I can feel that I am slowly slipping and this could be, as the song of the title says "the start of a very big downer". I hope that by knowing it's starting then I might be able to deal with it better and maybe even find some way of avoiding it altogether, we shall have to wait and see.

So, with what could possibly be my final up thoughts for a while I decided to post some things here.

Pete is full on 99% of the time when he isn't asleep, which is fun. We've been through some stuff and are working our way back to normality (whatever that is) one step at a time.

I was the victim today of possibly the strangest drive-by abusing I have ever recieved. I was walking along the road, pushing Pete in his buggy, when a car came round the corner and drove past me, as it drew level with me, the driver of the car shouted "Pavarotti!" is his best broad east end accent. I thought well, that's the last time I go out in white tie and tails with a handkerchief in my hand.

It's been an odd week, meeting up with people I haven't seen since rehab, other people I haven't seen for a year or so contacting me on Facebook (I'm still not totally sure why I'm on that), mayhem in Romford at Kidspace, and then Iron Maiden win a Brit Award. Whatever next?

So, a few days ago, I am sitting in Starbucks (as is occassionally my want) with not much more to do than contemplate my navel and watch the world go by, when I am struck by the muse and compelled to write something. When these things happen, which is rarely these days, I just sit and write without always being completely aware of what I'm writing until I've finished and read it back. This was the case on this day, and so I wrote the following:-

"Let's say that all that's inside a persons mind becomes the entirity of that persons life and all that is outside of that person is percieved as being a delusion, but a delusion that has been manufactured by a specific person or body with the sole purpose of entrapping the deluded person. The 'fact' is stated by the person and within the delusion, that the manufacturer of the delusion must be already in the life of the deluded person (which could be said to be fairly logical reasoning) but as that persons life is, as has previously been stated, all that is inside of their own mind, then the manufacturer can only be themselves. They, having worked this out, therefore reject their own thoughts and feelings as being part of the manufactured delusion, which sends them off into a never ending loop of delusion within a delusion, in which they can argue that everything, both inside of their mind and outside of them is both real and a delusion at the same time and so, therefore, is also neither of these two things and so, therefore, does not exist. If everything, both inside their mind and outside them, does not exist then either they are an empty shell within a void which would, logically, be incapable of the reasoning needed to come to the original conclusion, or they also do not exist, which then poses the question 'If they do not exist, how can they reason that they do not exist?'"

I have not real idea if any of that makes any sense but I just thought I'd share :crazy:

Well, with that of my chest I'll be off. Hopefully I'll be back again soon.
Bye :wave: