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AGAIN AND AGAIN, AGAIN!

by Kizlode @ 10/10/08 - 02:56:26

I thank you all for your comments on the birth of my newest grandchild (although I think some may have missed the sarcasm of my posts) ;D

So, now, here I am, yet again, here and here I sit and stay.

Back on the happy tablets once more, hoping that they work (the fact that I'm not also drinking my own body weight in cider and scotch at the same time should help with that) and they start working quickly because I've had enough of feeling fed up right now.

I've started my Maths GCSE, not looking forward to it completely as words are my thing not numbers, but we shall see what we shall see.

Pete's had a cold and is teething, Niki now has a cold and feels pretty rough, I seem to have side stepped the cold for now but I'm sure it will catch up with me at some point.

I've managed, and I'm not quite sure how, to record some new songs. I've put two of them on my Kizlode MySpace site, it would be great if anyone wants to if you could have a listen and tell me what you think (good or bad).

Anyway, that's me for now, see ya!
:wave:


 
 

SOME THING!

by Kizlode @ 28/09/08 - 23:37:46

Well, the baby turned up at 6.30 this morning. So I am a grand-dad once again.

I have done something which I may live to regret in order to prove that I am not rubbish like the others. We shall see what happens now!

See ya!
:wave:

KEEPING ON, KEEPING ON!

by Kizlode @ 25/09/08 - 01:14:24

It is true that life is unfair to most of us most of the time, it is also true that bad things happen to good people, not that these two things really have anything to do with anything right now, but hey!

Friends having family troubles (once again), a son who's girlfriend is ready to have a baby any day now, a house that seems to be gradually falling apart, aches and pains a plenty, a Maths GCSE course just started, less money spare every month, feelings of depression coming and going without warning or pattern, and worries about my family (both near and far), but apart from that my life couldn't be better right now.

I was going to write loads here but to be honest can't think of much to say, despite all that's going on.

See ya!
:wave:

A QUICK ONE!

by Kizlode @ 14/09/08 - 23:19:26

This is just a quick post to advertise Niki's annual Skipnorth knitting trip away, just in case anyone might be interested in going. Check out the web site HERE.

I will return sometime soon-ish.

See y'all!
:wave:

SOMETHING OR NOT.

by Kizlode @ 02/09/08 - 00:55:04

I sit here sometimes and wonder why. I'm not sure what the answer to that question is or even if I truely understand the question it self, but all I do know is that I wonder why. I can't say for certain exactly what it is I'm wondering why about really, not that that really matters much either.

Why is it always when I feel at my quietest that the screaming in my head gets louder and louder, maybe it's just that I can hear it clearer or maybe it is really louder.

I don't see darkness much anymore, which is a good thing, but the light and colour that I do see sometimes seems very bright and far too vibrant to me, but at least it's not darkness.

It seems to me that much of the periphery of my life has fallen away and either has become or is becoming either pointless or just undoable, but I suppose that in the end that becomes true for almost everyone who is not one of the chosen few.

And behind, above and through all of that, that bitch that has held me captive for so long is still there and every now and then just gentle taps me on the shoulder to remind me she's still around.

RESULTS AND OTHER STUFF, INCLUDING ANOTHER POINTLESS TOP 10.

by Kizlode @ 23/08/08 - 03:48:29

So, I thought that as it's just after 3 in the morning and I really should go to bed soon, I'd just put up a short blog entry, and here it is.

First off, if anyone might be interested, I got the results of my English GCSE yesterday morning, I scored 298 out of 400 and got an A. So not quite as thick as I thought then :D

Everything else is pretty much the same as it was last entry, so not much more to say really.

So, here's my

Top 10 Fiction Books:-

10. Soul Music:- Terry Pratchett.
I'm not a big fan of Terry Pratchett, but I do like a few of his Discworld books. This one is brilliant and a must-read for musicians.

9. Manifest Destiny:- Barry Longyear.
I really liked reading this book, part of it was made into the film Enemy Mine, but the book is much better. It's also where I got my blog/band name from.

8. Nostradamus Ate My Hampster:- Robert Rankin.
I think that Robert Rankin is a brilliant author and I love everything by him that I've read (which is almost all of his books), it was difficult to choose which one's to put in this top ten, and where to put them, but this one is a great story with some amazing ideas and brilliantly written. I should make a point of saying that I was introduced to Robert Rankin's work by Old Nick.

7. The Technicolor Time Machine:- Harry Harrison.
A great piece of Sci-Fi fun written by a master.

6. Fire Pattern:- Bob Shaw.
Bob Shaw is, just about, my favourite author (Robert Rankin comes a very close second). I love this story, the ideas within it are fantastic and it deals with a subject that I have been facinated with for years.

5. The Long Dark Teatime Of The Soul:- Douglas Adams.
I really liked the Hitch-Hickers books that Douglas Adams wrote but this book and it's companion 'Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency' are just brilliant.

4. The Guardians Of Time:- Poul Anderson.
This is still the only book that I have ever sat and read from cover to cover in one sitting. I love time travel stories and this book has everything anyone into time travel could possibly want.

3. I Am Legend:- Richard Matheson.
Just a fantastic book, written in such a way that I couldn't help but get caught up in the story, simply excellent.

2. The Antipope:- Robert Rankin.
The second book on the list by Mr Rankin, not much I can say about this really except that this is where it all begins.

1. Other Days, Other Eyes:- Bob Shaw.
The first book by Bob Shaw I ever read and still just about my favourite. Brilliant ideas, excellently written and a fantastic read, what more could you want.

Well, that all from me for now,

See ya!
:wave:

BACK ON THE CHAIN GANG!

by Kizlode @ 18/08/08 - 01:27:23

So, here I am back again. Probably not going to be a long post and no top 10 as I can't be arsed to type one up.

Lots of stuff's been happening of late, most of it in my head. Niki did her back in the week before last and I spent about a week and a half looking after her and Pete, think I did ok. She's feeling much better now but still not completely right, still some aches and pains and stuff. Pete was one year old on Thursday, where has the time gone I ask myself (and get the answer "that-a-way!"). My brother and siter-in-law are moving to Jersey at the end of the month, don't know when I'll see them again but I wish them all the good luck in the world. On the whole, things aren't going too bad for us at the moment, and yet I still feel down a lot of the time and am still feeling restless in the head some of the time (made worse by the fact that I don't have a clue what it is that I want to do), still you can't have everything can you? I mean, where would you keep it?

That's about all I can do right now, hopefuly I'll be back before the end of the year with another engrossing post to keep you all on the edge of your seats.

See ya!
:wave:

A GOODBYE FOR NOW AND ANOTHER TOP 10

by Kizlode @ 19/06/08 - 18:22:06

Well, we are off once again to the wilds of Sutton this weekend. Niki has gone over to her Dad's with Pete and will be going down to Sutton from there tomorrow, and I'll be going straight from here tomorrow. A fun weekend of loking after Rabbits, Cats and trying to stop Pete from doing either of them any damage :))

So, this will probably be my last blog entry until next week and here is yet another of my top 10's:-

TOP 10 AMERICAN TV COMEDY SHOWS

10. Saturday Night Live
I really used to like this show when John Belushi, Gylda Radna, and Dan Ackroyd were on it, it's been through many line up changes and some of them have been good others haven't but I still don't think any of them has been as good as that line up was.

9. Happy Days
I used to love watching this show, although it suffered from the same problem as many sit-coms do and went on too long and got boring. But I can almost forgive it because it had The Fonz in and introduced the world to Robin Williams as Mork.

8. Mork & Mindy
Following on from the previous entry, I thought this show was excellent, but unfortunately it too went on too long and the last couple of series were pretty awful.

7. Starved
I came accross this show on cable one night purely by accident and thought it was a brilliant show, and so unlike what I expect from an American sit-com. The very idea of setting a sit-com around a group of people with eating disorders is just genius, this is one of the few sit-com that didn't go on any where long enough.

6. MASH
I used to love watching this and it became as much a part of my growing up TV watching as Monty Python did. Unfortunately when it is repeated on cable TV they show the American version of the show, which unlike the version that used to be shown on BBC here in the UK has a god-awful laughter track on it which spoils the comedy for me. I loved the mixture of comedy and drama that the writers managed to bring to every show.

5. Scrubs
This is a modern show that reminds me very much of MASH because of it's mix of comedy and drama. I really love this show and the guests they have in it sometimes are just brilliant.

4. Taxi
I remember watching this show late at night and it always made me laugh. I absolutely loved the Rev Jim played by Christopher Lloyd, he was a great character.

3. Comitted
This is another show I came accross by accident when flicking through the cable channels one day. It was so odd but brilliantly put together, and I think we could all do with a dying clown in our closets.

2. Becker
I really think this is Ted Danson's finest moment. He is excellent as the pain-in-the-arse Dr Becker. This is another show like MASH and Scrubs that has a great mixture of comedy and drama.

1. Boston Legal
I really don't know what to say about this show. I missed most of the first series, saw one or two and was a little confused but found them very funny, was reminded of it by Mr Kelly and now watch it all the time. It is brilliant and I think the best American comedy show on TV right now. It's worth watching just for William Shatner alone without the fact that all the others in it are so great as well.

Well that's all from me for now.
See ya.
:wave:

ANOTHER TOP 10

by Kizlode @ 19/06/08 - 00:25:50

Here's another of my top 10's:-

TOP 10 BRITISH TV COMEDY SHOWS

10. Porridge
I've always been a huge fan of Ronnie Barker and I think that, of his solo TV series, this one was the best. His character was brilliant and the story lines were really well written and thought out, and above all else it was very funny.

9. The Two Ronnies
It was a close run thing between this one and Porridge for the 9 and 10 slots in this list. I placed this higher purely because some of the sketches they did were just so classic and are still so funny.

8. Morecambe & Wise
I grew up with these two being a big chunk of my TV watching life. I think that Eric Morecambe was brilliantly funny and Ernie Wise was just fantastic as his foil, but also got a lot of funny lines of his own as well. I still laugh at so many of their sketches any time I see them.

7. The Tommy Cooper Show
Tommy Cooper was just excellent. A really funny man who could, and still can, make me laugh by not doing very much at all. Pure genius.

6. Q8
I am a big fan of Spike Milligan and always have been, I would have liked to choose just about every TV show he's ever done under one number but I didn't think that would work. I chose Q8 purely because he set out to do a whole series of TV series called the Q series just to do the one joke of calling this one Q8 (Kuwait), now that's seriously odd and funny.

5. Red Dwarf
I kind of had to included this series somewhere purely because it is a comedy Sci-fi show, not something that many people seem to believe is possible (especially those involved in writting Sci-fi). I put it so far up the list because it was just so brilliantly written and acted, and was just so funny. I wasn't as into the last series as I was all the others but on the whole I thought it was excellent.

4. Alexei Sayle's Stuff
In my opinion Alexei Sayle is a very funny comedian, he is a very serious man and sometimes comes accross in interviews I've seen as being a bit dry, but his comedy is fantastic. I loved Stuff and also love his books, he's great.

3. The Smoking Room
I didn't know what to expect from this show when I first saw it on BBC3 but almost as soon as it started I was a fan. It was so funny and the characters were so well put together, I worked in a number of offices with those people in and smoked with them many times. I wish they'd made more of them.

2. The Mighty Boosh
This is a fantasticly strange but hugely funny show. I hadn't listened to it on the radio and it took me a while to get into the first series on TV, but when I did I was just blown away by it. I wasn't overly impressed by the last series, I honestly didn't find it as consistently funny as the previous ones had been, I hope that if they make another one it will be better.

1. Monty Python's Flying Circus
I had to put this as my number 1, I remember listening to the albums and watching the TV show all the time as a kid and it was such a huge influence on me. I loved it then and I still love it now. I don't think there's much more I can really saw about it.

Well that's all for now,

see ya
:wave:

ANOTHER TOP 10 & MORE STUFF!

by Kizlode @ 17/06/08 - 03:06:40

Well, it's been a week of things and stuff.

Here I sit with the cold/flu I have now sitting heavily on my chest, causing me to wheeze and cough a fair amount throughout the day. I'm sure it would keep me awake at night as well if it wasn't for the fact that I'm not going to bed until about 3am-ish most nights and getting up between 6 and 9 with Pete.

Fathers day was nice, saw all three of my kids, got 2 cards and Pete got me a lovely prezzie of a book showing his life up to date (it's really amazing what a lad of his age can do on the computer :D).

It's a funny thing but recent events have left me feeling very much like I am becoming an after-thought to sections of my family. It's made me think that maybe things aren't the way I thought they were between us.

Still enough of all that, here's another of my top 10's:

TOP 10 ALBUMS:

10. Pure Rock Fury - Clutch (2001)
I have no idea exactly where I first heard about this band or album, all I know is that I put it on list of CD's that I wanted for my birthday one year and got it. I love it and I can't tell you exactly why. It has great power and an old style sound that just makes me want to play it again and again.

9. To The Faithful Departed - The Cranberries (1996)
This is another album that I am unsure where I heard about it, I know that I had heard of The Cranberries before but all I really knew by them was Zombie. I love the mix of songs on this album and the feeling put into all of them.

8. Pass In Time - Beth Orton (2003)
I think I first came accross Beth Orton by downloading an MP3 of her and wanted to hear more so I bought this compilation album. I'm really glad I did because I think both it and she are wonderful. She has a great voice and her songs are brilliantly put together.

7. Toxicity - System Of A Down (2001)
All I can saw about this is that I heard Chop Suey and saw the video for it on MTV (or another one of those music video channels) and thought it was brilliant, I got the album and thought it was all excellent.

6. Tommy - The Who (1969)
I remember my brother playing this album years ago when I was a kid and I grew up listening to it. It still sounds just as good to me now, I just love it.

5. Pictures At An Exhibition - Emerson, Lake & Palmer (1971)
This was another album that I remember my brother playing a lot when I was younger and I just fell in love with ELP and their sound.

4. Diamond Dogs - David Bowie (1985)
Another album played by a different brother, this one just grabbed my imagination and has been lodged there ever since. It's just a great album.

3. Threshold Of A Dream - The Moody Blues (1969)
I can't remember if it was one of my brothers or my sister that first played this album when I heard it, but I thought it was fantastic and still do. Although I also like other Moody Blues albums, this one is still their best as far as I'm concerned.

2. Dark Side Of The Moon - Pink Floyd (1973)
There probably isn't much I can say about this album that hasn't already been said by others. I love getting lost in it's atmosphere and music. It's just wonderful.

1. Sabbath Bloody Sabbath - Black Sabbath (1973)
In 1973 a good friend of my played me this album and I became a Black Sabbath fan before the end of the first side. I can't explain the feeling that hearing this album had on me, for the first time listening to music was more than just a pleasure it was an experience. I loved it then and I love it now, in my opinion it is still probably the best album they have ever done.

Well that's all from me for now.
See ya!
:wave:

TOP 10 'N' STUFF

by Kizlode @ 14/06/08 - 01:05:36

I am now in the hold of the cold or possibly flu that Niki and Pete have had and are now almost over. I have a cough and slightly snotty nose, get periods of being very hot and others of being chilly, aching a bit and feeling washed out but not actually tired.

Niki pulled her back the other day and has been having pains in her back and hips ever since. Pete has been a bit out of sorts for the last few days, he developed a rash on Wednesday, Niki took him to the doctor and was told it was just a heat rash, feeling unhappy with that explanation she took him to the health visitor on Thursday who said sometimes babies just get rashes for no reason and not to worry. We’re still not completely happy with this but all we can do is keep an eye on it and if it gets any worse or he starts not eating or itching then we’ll be taking him straight back to the doctors.

I had a good birthday on the 6th, got some nice prezzies and had a great day. Thanks to everyone in Blogland who sent me birthday wishes. I went out on the Saturday night to see Juicy Lucy at The Bitter End in Romford. It was a really good night, the only thing that made it not so good was the fact that Mr Kelly wasn’t there because a good friend of his passed on during the week before. I give my sympathies to the family of John and my love to Mr Kelly.

We’re having a strange thing going on at home just now. At the moment there is an advert on TV which has a number of different babies laughing full face at the camera. I have no idea what it is advertising, mainly because before the first baby’s face has left the screen, Pete goes into a complete screaming fit and it takes ages to calm him down. Unfortunately there is nothing at the start of the advert to tell you it’s coming on so we’ve been caught out a few times now and we just have to make a quick grab for the TV remote control and switch over as soon as we can if it comes on.

Here's a strange link for anyone who's a Black Sabbath fan or likes odd cover versions: RONDELLUS

Anyway, I said I was going to start this top 10 thing, so here goes the first one (click on the titles for more info).

TOP 10 MOVIES

10. Godspell (1973)
I really like the music in this film; I’ve got the London stage soundtrack and have seen it on stage. I would love to be in a production of it.

9. The Magic Bow (1946)
This is a brilliant film about a brilliant musician. I just love it.

8. The Rocky Horror Picture Show (1975)
I’ve been into the music from this for years, and again have the London stage soundtrack and have seen it on stage. Another musical I’d love to be in a production of.

7. On The Town (1949)
When I was a kid we always used to watch a musical on TV on Sunday afternoon and this one was one of my favourites. The interaction between the characters, the comedy and the excellent songs just make it great.

6. Dawn Of The Dead (1978)
A great film, possibly the best of the series, and much better than the remake. There is nothing like a good zombie film and no one makes them better than George A Romero.

5. Monty Python & The Holy Grail (1975)
I love Monty Python, always have, and I think this is the best film they ever made. I know that lots of people prefer ‘Life Of Brian’ but this film always makes me laugh more and I could watch it over and over.

4. Jesus Christ Superstar (1973)
Again a brilliant musical with fantastic music. I have a couple of different versions of the soundtrack, unfortunately never got to see it on stage but love watching the film whenever it’s on TV.

3. 28 Days Later (2002)
I went to see this film at the cinema and was so caught up in it I didn’t question anything about it until almost an hour afterwards, it just really grabbed my imagination and I forgot everything except the film while I was watching it. Just excellent.

2. Die Hard (1988)
Much better than any of the other films in this series, and a film that I watch almost ever time it’s on TV, even if I watched it the night before (which has happened once). I think it’s fantastic.

1. It’s A Wonderful Life (1946)
I don’t exactly know what it is about this film but I just love it. No man is an island and everything we do touches the lives of so many others without us even realising many times.

Well that’s my top 10; I’ll post another top 10 next time.

See y’all

BIRTHDAY, CATCH-UP, MEME AND ON

by Kizlode @ 06/06/08 - 00:46:05

So here I am sitting at my computer on, what is only just, my 45th birthday. I worry sometimes that I don't post entries on my blog very much these days and also don't check out other people's, but I know that these things go in cycles and that at some point I will go back to blogging and reading everyones blogs on a regular basis once again.

Anyway, lots of stuff has been happening. Pete has had a bit of a cold this last week or so and is just about better, although his teeth are still giving him strife sometimes. He's up on his feet almost all the time now and trying to walk on his own instead of holding on to the furniture, it won't be long until he is asking for money to go out with his mates.

Niki has also had a cold for the last week or so, and her's was a lot worse than Pete's, but she is almost over it now. She has also been a bit down lately, but seems to be coming out of that as well.

I have been very stressed, especially this week. I had an appointment with my heart specialist on Monday, he gave me the usual once over and chat then told me to come back in six months, so I suppose I should be grateful that nothing has got any worse. I had my first English GCSE exam on Tuesday morning, I don't think I did very well but it was ok. I had my second exam today, I think I did worse than I did on Tuesday, but there isn't anything I can do about it, I just have to sit back and wait for the results which should be out at the end of August. It's my birthday today and I now start the slow slip towards the big Hawaii, I can't wait :roll:

I was tagged by Niki to do this, so here goes:-

The Rules:
Each player answers the questions about themselves. At the end of the post, the player then tags 5-6 people and posts their names, then goes to their blogs and leaves them a comment, letting them know they’ve been tagged and asking them to read your blog. Let the person who tagged you know when you’ve posted your answer.

1. What I was doing 10 years ago:
I’m not sure that I can say for certain exactly what I was doing ten years ago but I was married, living with my wife and kids. I was working for the DSS, drinking too much and not realising how much it was screwing my life up. Apart from that I can’t be completely sure.

2. What 5 things are on on my to-do list for today (not in any particular order):
Today being Friday, I plan to open some cards, eat some food, see my kids (or at least some of them), sleep.

3. Snacks I enjoy:
Bombay mix, pringles, chocolate, pork scratchings.

4. Things I would do if I was a billionaire:
I’d help out friends and family, give money to charity, live comfortably, set myself up in business, make sure that I was divorced before I got the money :D

5. Places I have lived:
Hackney, Burnt Oak, West Hampstead, Barking, Dagenham, Romford.

I tag Old Nick, Faffajane, Shipscook, Chyna_Doll, and rowtheboat.

And so to the future, for the moment as I don't seem to have a great deal to blog and I want to get back into the habit of doing so, I'm going to post a few lists of my top ten favourite things. Watch this space for the first one.

See y'all later
:wave:

LIFE AND MORE MIXES

by Kizlode @ 24/04/08 - 03:01:56

Well, here I sit at nearly 3am having just finished my essay on Animal Farm for my English class. Not bad really as I should have handed it in last week :roll:

Not been sleeping too well of late. I spent a while feeling very down and doing a lot of soul searching, as well as talking to my counsellor, and have decided to stop the counselling for a while. I think maybe I need to do some living and then see if I want to, or need to, go back to it afterwards. I think that I'd gone as far as I could right now and need to do some other things.

I have had a bad cold for the last week, I know that it's been bad because I don't normally have a problem with colds but this one kinda laid me out a bit. Still I feel better now, not totally over it but better than I have been, the trouble is that Pete's got it now, I think Niki has avoided it so far, let's hope she doesn't get it as well.

Pete has now got his first teeth, although as he still has ones coming through and has a cold he's feeling a bit miserable right now.

Niki seems to be ok, although she has pulled her back and is suffering a bit from that, and tiredness.

Can't think of a lot more to say right now, except to thank the people that left comments on the music on my mixtape for them. I was however told by a friend that the tape didn't really reflect the true diversity of my musical tastes. So I have decided to do two more and hopefully I have been able to make these more representative, see what you think:-

MIXTAPE 1

MIXTAPE 2

Well that's all from me for now
See ya!
:wave:

MIXTAPE

by Kizlode @ 16/04/08 - 22:51:11

I am going to do a full post here soon (honest), in the meantime I just thought I'd share my MIXTAPE with you. It's a mix of songs that I like that shows my varied musical tastes.

Let me know what you think.

See ya
:wave:

THANKS AND A PLEA FOR HELP

by Kizlode @ 08/04/08 - 20:51:47

This is just a quick entry.

I want to start by thanking all of you for your comments on my last entry. It hasn't always seemed like it to me but I know that what I did was for the best and I'd rather be sober now than anything else.

I have a problem, I was trying to download the free audio-book of The Wasp Factory that is being given away by The Independent newspaper for Niki, and didn't manage to either get or see a copy of it today. This means that I have missed getting the link to be able to download the second part of it. If anyone has a copy of The Independent could you let me know what the link is so that I can download it. Many thanks

See ya!
:wave:

FIVE YEARS!

by Kizlode @ 28/03/08 - 02:25:33

So here I sit at almost half past one in the morning and contemplate my life (nothing unusual there).

Today (Friday 28th of March) it has been five years since my last alcoholic drink. I find it hard to believe that I have been sober for that long, before I stopped the very idea of going for a day without a drink was laughable and there is no way that I would have considered it possible for me to go even one year without a slip. Yet, here I am, five years later and amazed that I've made it.

Can't really think of much more to say right now.

See ya
:wave:

A LINK

by Kizlode @ 25/03/08 - 00:24:55

This is just a quick post to leave a link to a short filmy thing that I've done, it's made up of small animations and things, and I've put it up on YouTube. just thought you might like to have a look, here's the LINK.

WELL, OH WELL, OH WELL, OH WELL, OH

by Kizlode @ 19/03/08 - 01:27:53

My life and the things in it:-

hate, hate, hate, hate, hate, hate, hate, hate, hate, hate, love, love, hate, hate, hate, hate, hate, hate, hate, love, hate, hate, hate, love, love, hate, hate, hate, love, hate, hate, hate, love, hate, etc... (but not necessarily in that order).

Maybe 'hate' is too strong a word for some of those, maybe it should be more like heavily dislike, or in some cases maybe even mildly dislike. Why do there have to be so many grey areas, why can't it be simple and just black and white - love or hate? It's the grey areas that cause all the problems, I hate the grey areas, or at least I think I do, maybe I just heavily dislike them!

Sometimes I think that I might like to reconnect with my past, but them I really don't know if it would be a good idea really. I know that there are issues there that I need to confront and sort out, but am I completly ready to do that, and in fact do I really 'need' to do it anyway, why can't I just accept them for what they were and move on with my life? I look at Pete and I wish that I could have his unburdened mind, just for a while, just to stop thinking for a while. I used to have the alcohol for that, but alas that way out is no longer an option if I want to keep hold of the tattered remnants of my life and mind, nor is the way of drugs open to me any longer, porn doesn't help and in fact just makes it worse sometimes, food doesn't work for me and just makes the whole situation a lot worse, music works to some degree but it's difficult to use sometimes and so never seems to hit the spot (don't know if it would work completely anyway). So what is there left I wonder, and I come up with the mind shattering answer 'I haven't got a bloody clue!', so no help there then.

I see myself and what I know is that I am not what I should be. I don't know what it is that I should be, but I know I'm not it. I don't know if I was ever going to be it, and have no idea how I could ever have been or can ever be it, mainly because I don't know what it is. All I know for sure is that I am not it.

See ya.
:wave:

COLD

by Kizlode @ 11/03/08 - 14:47:07

So here I sit with a cold, which has come on very suddenly and has sapped my strength a bit, in a cold house because the heating is only working when it feels like it. Still nevermind ay!

Niki has taken Pete to the clinic for a developement check up. They went away for the weekend, Niki's annual trip to Haworth for SkipNorth. I stayed at home and did some me stuff, as well as trying to rearrange the living room to give Pete more room to move around now that he's crawling all the time and trying to stand up a lot.

I posted a new piece on my other blog the other day and haven't had a single comment, which suprised me given it's topic, still there ya go :D

Well, I'm off to have a cup-a-soup and watch some daytime TV. See ya!
:wave:

SEVEN THINGS

by Kizlode @ 26/02/08 - 00:46:03

So here, finally is my list of seven habits/quirks/facts about myself:-

1. I always do the washing up in the same order and hate watching someone else do it in case they don’t do it in the same order as me, and it really winds me up if they don’t.

2. I have a fear of going deaf that sometimes borders on paranoia.

3. When I was a Teddy Boy, I went to a wedding that ended up being on the evening news because Screaming Lord Sutch was the best man.

4. I love sweetcorn but can’t stand corn-on-the-cob.

5. When I was a kid I used to have a fear of shrinking to just a few inches high during the night while I was asleep, and so I would set my bedroom up so that if I did I could get of my bed and out of the room.

6. When I worked for the Post Office I found the body of one of the building’s engineers that had died.

7. I was once asked to join the dance troop The Blobendales by a friend who was in them, but said no.

See ya
:wave: