I am feeling a bit odd right now. Firstly I don't seem to be sleeping very well (once again) as can be seen by the fact that I'm writing this at 3.20am, this has made me feel a bit buzzy. Secondly I still seem to be in this down turn, there have been a few more up moments but mostly it's been very flat for the last few weeks. Thirdly, I had an appointment with my heart specialist today, once again I was told that apart from the fact that I have a heart condition and need triple bypass surgery which they can't do because I'm too much of a fat bastard, I really healthy, all I want to know is if that's true why do I feel so unhealthy so much of the time? You don't really need to answer that question, it's purely rhetorical. Don't you just hate people who ask rhetorical questions?

Anyway, apart from the above, I don't quite know what is wrong with me right now. I really feel a bit out of place (if that makes any sense at all), I feel like I don't belong, even within myself. The only time I seem to feel focused is sitting doing mindless and not really necessary crap on the computer. Maybe that's why I sit and do it until such ridiculously early hours of the day. My mind doesn't so much wander at the moment as take a three week holiday in Benedorm every few hours. I have been trying hard to do some of the things my counsellor has talked to me about and have been thinking a lot about the things I have lost from my life and the things that have changed, both good and bad (relative though those terms are) and it doesn't seem to have made a great deal of difference. I think what I need to do is vocalise the thoughts I've been having and get someone to just sit and listen to me drone on and on for hours about me and my life, which means it can't really be anyone that has been involved in my life (and that includes my counsellor really), the trouble is I don't open up well when talking to strangers and wouldn't know either who would want to listen and where to go to find them. Still they you go.

I think Niki is doing alright. I'm not totally sure because I have been a bit caught up in my own stuff, and I worry that I have been leaving too much to her although she assures me that I haven't. She's also tired, more because of Pete than anything else I think, but I do worry about her and am sure that when she says she's fine she's not really, but that could just be my paranoia kicking in again.

Pete is doing alright, still a few problems with the reflux and stuff, but other than that he seems to be absolutely fine. Niki is going to take him to get weighed again, last time he was just over 15lb so we reckon he'll be around 17 to 18lb this time, which isn't bad for just over 3 months old.

Well, I think that's about all from me for now. Just going to leave you with a couple of links to sites that Niki has shown me this week:-

Great hats for women who want to go to stoneings or anyone who wants to hide there identity HERE.

A must have Christmas gift for all bikers HERE.

See ya!

Well, it's been a while. Possibly longer for me than for you (I have no idea if that makes any sense).

Niki is doing ok, she went into work a couple of times last week to help them out and she's got a couple of teaching days lined up before Christmas, then she goes back to doing more regular work in the new year.

Pete is not doing too bad, although he seems to be having trouble with the reflux thing which has come back after his cold, and he's working his way up to teething. At the moment he's all slobber and trying to chew a lot of the time. He's also got two friends that seem to make him happy, here's a picture of him with his friend Jack:-

and this is a picture of his best friend Glen, if he's not feeling too happy all he has to do is look at Glen and he starts smiling and laughing:-

Yes I know it's a bit odd but there you go

As for me, life is a funnt old mixed bag of stuff annaldat. I know I haven't mentioned it before but I am doing an English GCSE course at the moment (partly as an encouragement to Scott, partly to stop my brain from siezing up, and partly because the exams I took when I was at school are not now worth the paper they're written on), anyway I had to do a presentation to the rest of the class/group. I decided to do mine on the history of The Blues (that's the musical genre, just for anyone who wasn't sure), I was supposed to do it two weeks ago but due to technical problems couldn't do it until last Thursday. This meant that I have been mightily stressed out about it for a couple of weeks now and as soon as I had done it I relaxed and started feeling ill. On Saturday I went to see Alice Cooper, Motorhead and Joan Jett at Wembley Arena with Old Nick, Mrs F and Shipscook; I won't bother too much with a review as Old Nick and Shipscook have both already done one, all I will say is that Joan Jet was alright but a little lack lustre for my taste, Motorhead were Motorhead and as always were brilliant, and Alice Cooper (who, unbelievably, I had never seen before) was absolutly excellent, so all in all it was a good night made all the better for the fact that I got a chance to catch up with 3 old friends, 2 of which I hadn't seen for a good few years. I tried to take some pictures at the gig but didn't have a great deal of luck, this one of Alice Cooper (if you look really hard you just see him around the middle of the stage with his back to the audience) is the best of them :-

I managed to spend some time messing around with some music yesterday while Niki was out with Pete and her friend Lixie, and the result is a strange (Niki says oriental sounding) instrumental that I have called Winter Ride and have posted on my Kizlode MySpace site. I was in a pretty good mood until we got a letter today saying that our Housing and Council Tax Benefits are being suspended until we can sort out with them our finances, this is because we've been awarded Child Tax Credit which means we now get too much to recieve Income Support, I used to work in the system and I don't understand it sometimes. Still it's not something we can't get worked out, hopefully, but it's just that I'm fed up with having to sort thins kind of thing out. It seems that just as we get stuff sorted and we start to get used to our situation and work within our budget, something happens to change it all and we have to readjust everything. So at the moment I'm a little pissed off and fed up, but hopefully it will be better tomorrow when I go to the housing office to try to sort it out.

Well that's about all from me (that's more than enough, I hear you cry), except to ask you to check out the new tune on my MySpace site and let me know either here or there what you think.

See y'all.

Well let's start with the answer to the picture poser from my last entry. Faffa got it right, it is a hot dog from a tin we opened to have as part of our dinner a couple of nights ago, I just thought it was a bit funny. Here's a fuller picture:-

We've had a weekend of it. On Saturday we got up earlyish with the full intent of going over to see the women Niki works with at Stash and then going on to visit her dad. We left a little later than we had first intended, but not too late. We got a bus to Elm Park station, we were going to have a quick look at the shops there before our journey, only to find that a section of the District Line was closed for works. So was the whole of the circle line and big chunks of other lines. We worked out how to get over to Putney but also worked out that it would probably take a lot longer than normal. So after some thought we decided not to go and to leave it until Monday. We spent the next four hours walking around Elm Park looking at the shops and buying some stuff from charity shops. That has meant that today we've both been a bit tired because we had two days of walking around shopping in a row, which is not something we normally do at all. Still it wasn't too bad, and tomorrow we get up a reasonable time and go over to Putney and Barnes and possibly Chiswick to see people, which should be a good day.

I'm going to leave you with a couple of links to videos. The videos are basically the same but with a few differences, they are from a 70's TV show called Twentieth Century Box and these particular clips are from a show they did about Neal Kay and the Bandwagon, which was a place that I went to a few times in my youth before working for Mr Kay as a roadie. If you don't know anything about him or the Bandwagon and want to, you can find out HERE. Anyway, here they are:-

Clip 1.

Clip 2.

See ya!

I have absolutely no idea why I gave this blog entry the title I did, but it just came to me as I sat here.

Anyway, Pete is much better now. The cold seems to be basically gone and he's starting to settle back into his routine. Niki is doing ok, apart from being a little deluded (see her comment on my last entry), although we're both a bit tired tonight as we didn't sleep too well last night and have been out a lot today.

Lixie, one of Niki's friends, came over today and we went to have a look at an indoor boot sale in Romford, and then wander round the market and shops. It was fun but we're a bit out of practice at this sort of thing so it was a bit tiring as well.

We had a visit from Becca and Lauren, and Jay's cousin Claire and her boyfriend, tonight which was really nice.

I suppose that's about all I've got to say right now really. I just want to leave you with a picture puzzle:-
What do you think this is a picture of?

I'll leave you to ponder that and will give you the answer in my next entry.

See ya!