ming bu zheng; yan bu shun (Chinese)

I'll start off by doing the review of the Ozzy Osbourne / Black Label Society gig last week.

Black Label Society were pretty much as I expected really. Zack Wylde, strangely sounding a lot like Axle Rose in the early days of Guns 'n' Roses and the band as a whole sounding a lot like (but not as good as) a band called Clutch. It was a bit difficult to work out exactly when they'd finished a song some of the time as they insisted on everyone holding a chord while Zack Wylde posed on the monitors and thumped his chests, then the drummer counted 4 and they went into the next song. None of the songs were introduced, so even if there had been one that I really liked I would have had no idea what it was called (maybe I should have listened to more of their stuff before I went, but it's never really grabbed me that much anyway). Just about every song was well scattered with squeeky notes from Mr Wylde and the whole set left me thinking 'Oh, they were alright I suppose'. Then, after a short break, Ozzy came on. Well actually they showed his now obligatory film of him taking the piss out of films and TV shows, which would have been great if the screens it was shown on weren't just basically 50" plasma screens raised half way up each side of the stage (we were right at the back of the arena so this meant it was like watching TV from the end of the garden). Ozzy was Ozzy, there isn't much more you can say really. His voice cracked a bit a few times, and there wasn't as much energy as there was when I saw him 10 or 15 years ago, but then he is getting old now. Don't get me wrong, I still think he gives it 100% but his 100% now is about 50% of what it was then. He did confuse me more than a little when he asked the crowed to 'go wilder than you've ever gone before' and then played 'Mama I'm Coming Home', not exactly a rocker Things were a little spoilt for me by the fact that Zack Wylde's guitar seemed to be too destorted and he over plays everything. On the whole it was not as good as Ozzy gigs I've been to in the past but it was still good, and the best thing was that I got to go and see him with Scott who'd never seen him live before.

So, back to everyday stuff. I'm still feeling down and don't know why. My visit to the counsellor on Wednesday just helped to make me feel pretty much exactly the same, but at least I wasn't feeling any worse after it. Niki has been a bit uncomfortable this last week and I think will be glad when it's over, well at least the actually pregnany bit will be anyway Apart from feeling down, I've been feeling a bit rough physically as well. I've had back-ache, not sleeping too well, swollen feet, aches, pains, and Niki keeps trying to convince me that I'm pregnant too (or at least suffering sympathetically), I'm not convinced at all

I cheered myself up a bit this morning by arranging and recording a cover version of Paranoid, which I've put up on my Kizlode MySpace site (if anyone wants a listen), but now that's done I'm back to the same fed-upness.

Anyway, can't think of anything more right now. See ya

c'est la goutte d'eau qui fait deborder le vase (French)

We didn't go out over the weekend. Niki was feeling a bit knackered on Sunday and I really haven't been in the mood for very much at all. Feeling a bit down and bored and just generally fed up and have no idea why really.

Ok, so let's start with the usual, but hopefully this time quick, rant about 'The 7 Ages of Rock'. Stadium Rock it was this week and I wondered just who they were going to leave out this time. There were far too many to list but imediately after the programme I thought 'What, no Fleetwood Mac, Alice Cooper, Guns 'n' Roses, and what about all the other American bands from the 80's like REO Speedwagon and Toto?' There were mentions of a few other bands that weren't featured but there was so much left out it was hardly worth making the programme about stadium rock. It should just have been called Springsteen, The Police and U2 really. What a waste of time.

So, anyway, on to today. Scott is coming round at about mid-day and we're off to see Ozzy Osbourne and Black Label Society tonight. The ticket was a birthday/father's day present from the kids. I haven't heard much of Ozzy'z new album, but the single doesn't sound too bad even if it does remind me a lot of Rob Zombie's stuff, so it should be good. Anyway it's always nice to do stuff with the kids, either together or individually. I don't get to spend as much time with them as I would like really so it's great when I can do something with them.

Not much more to say really, feeling a bit fed up and down as I said, but hopefully that won't spoil tonight and nor will the fact that my gut's been a bit grumbly today.

See ya.

cattiva e quella lana che non si puo tingere (Italian)

I had planned so much this week and managed to do only some of it all.

Monday's counselling session was a bit of a hard one, anger and frustration and guilt and other stuff all confronted and partially dealt with, a few tears and things, and I left feeling somewhat drained but a bit happier than when I went in.

Tuesday was really good, me and Niki went to see 'A Matter Of Life And Death' at The National. I was a little surprised by the play but enjoyed it. It is not the same as the film, they have kept the basic story and changed a few things, they've added songs (all very good songs I must say) and made it a lot darker in some places. It ends up being a very different, and yet very similar, story. There is no way of compairing it to the film really as it is that different to it, whilst staying true to the films underlying feeling, so I couldn't say weither it is as good as the film because that phrase really doesn't mean anything in this case. What I will say is that of the two I still think I would rather watch the film, but the play was really good in a lot of different ways and I really enjoyed watching it and would happily watch it again anytime. We then wandered down towards the Festival Hall and saw that a band were filming a video in the skate park bit just along from the National Theater. The band were called, I have since found out via a magazine from HMV that Niki picked up, The Aliens but when we were watching them I was sure they were called The Alens because of the way it was written on the bass drum. I thought maybe it was a bit like The Ramones omly instead of everyone taking the same last name they all had the first name Alen. Anyway, we believe that the song the were singing was called 'Robot Man', this is based on the fact that the lyrics appeared to be 'I'm a robot man, I'm a robot man, I'm a robot man, I'm a robot man, I'm a robot man, oh yes, I'm a robot man', of course we could be wrongD We then had a slightly long and tiring journey home in the rush hour, but all in all I enjoyed the day out with Niki.

Wednesday seems to be a bit of a blank for me right now, not sure why all I can tell you is that I haven't felt that happy since the middle of the week and don't know exactly why. Anyway, I didn't go to the mid-wife appointment with Niki (although I kind of wish I had because, once again, she had a bad time and I'm getting a bit pissed off with these people), mainly because Becca phoned earlier on and said they were coming round. It was really nice to see Becca, Jay and Lauren in the afternoon, we had a bit of a chat and played with Lauren before they had to go and it was a nice afternoon.

Thursday's unpacking and sorting out thing kind of went out the window because I had to go to the doctors to get my repeat prescription sorted out, they said I needed to see the doctor so I had to go back later in the afternoon. So I came back home, had lunch and sat around for an hour or so and then went back. It takes about an hour for me to get to my doctors from here. By the time I got three or four bus stops from my doctors it was raining (I had gone out in trainers, leggings, T-shirt and denim shirt), and by the time I got to the bus stop where I had to get off it was falling out of the sky in buckets, then as I walked down to my doctors from the bus stop it started with the thunder and stuff. Suffice it to say I got more than a little wet, in fact the color of my denim shirt was still slightly damp at about 5pm today.

Friday morning I had a hospital appointment that I'd forgotten about, to see a specialist about my perforated eardrum. He looked at it, told me it was about the same and there wasn't anything more he could do right now and to come back in 6 months, then sent me home. What a waste of time, I could have told him that. Anyway, Scott came over in the afternoon to stay for the weekend. He seems a bit more relaxed now that his exams are over, he did the last one in the morning before coming over. We don't have a lot planned, and a lot will depend on the weather, but there is a family fun weekend in a park nearby this weekend so we might go along and have a look. Of course Niki is of to work in the morning, and it will depend on how she's feeling on Sunday as to weither we go or not then.

Not got a lot more to say right now really, feeling a bit low and have been for the last half of the week, don't know why. Still there ya go!

quien quiere ruido, compre un cochino (Spanish)

This week is all a bit confusing for me. I'm having my counselling session this morning at 11.30 because my counsellor is away on Wednesday, which means that I can go with Niki's to her mid-wife appointment that she's got on Wednesday, and just as I was getting into some kind of routine

Anyway, the rest of the week is fairly full as well. We're off to the National Theatre on Tuesday to see 'A Matter Of Life And Death' (Niki's birthday present to me) and we've already set aside Thursday for trying to sort out the boxes we still haven't unpacked and, hopefully, get the baby's room and cot sorted out too. Then a bit of a rest on Friday, especially for Niki as she has to go to work again on Saturday.

It's good to have Niki back home, I missed her.

Not much more to say right now about me and what's going on here really, so I'll go into my rant.

The Seven Ages Of Rock, I am at a loss to understand exactly who this programme is aimed at (unless it's the younger generation who are only just getting into rock music and don't know much about it's history). I've already commented on the first programme so I'll leave that one. The second one was about 'Art Rock', well actually it was basically about Pink Floyd, Genesis, David Bowie and Roxy Music, with a mention of The Velvet Underground and a couple of other people. I'm pretty sure that there were a lot of other bands that could have been included in this programme as there were a hell of a lot of other bands that came out of the whole Art School/Public School thing that seemed to boom in the mid to late sixties, like Gentle Giant, Greenslade, or even Queen. Then the next programme was about 'Punk Rock', and it was quite incredible. They focused mainly on The Sex Pistols, with some time spent on The Clash, The Buzzcocks, The Ramones, Patti Smith and a few other bands and touched on other American punk bands, they skimmed lightly over the female lead british punk bands only briefly mentioning Siouxsie and the Banshees and spending what little time they did talking about these bands focusing only on The Slits. Some of the facts were completely wrong, as in the fact that they said Howard Devoto didn't leave The Buzzcocks until well into their career when he actually left when their first album was recorded. They also managed to do the entire programme without mentioning Iggy Pop, The New York Dolls or The Damned. Then we come on to the most recent programme all about 'Heavy Rock/Metal'. This started quite well focusing on Black Sabbath and Deep Purple, and then moved on to Judas Priest. Then There was a jump to 'The New Wave Of British Heavy Metal' or to be exact the Iron Maiden story, apparently there were no other 'NWOBHM' bands or at least none that the programme even mentioned, not even Samson which was the band that Bruce Dickenson was in before joining Maiden, and no mention of either Neal Kay or The Bandwagon or The Ruskin Arms (although there was some film of The Bandwagon). Then it moved on to the 'Big Haired Metal' of bands like Motley Crue and Poison, which the programme said 'came out of nowhere'. Now I don't know everything but I'm pretty sure that Kiss were doing that kind of poppy, over-the-top, theatrical stuff from sometime in the seventies so it didn't exactly 'come out of nowhere'. Then, finally it went on to 'Thrash Metal', well actually the Metallica story and that was only up to the black album. Once again it appears that there were no other 'Thrash Metal' bands around and Heavy Metal hasn't changed since then. The most amazing thing to me was that they did the whole programme without once even mentioning Motorhead! The next programme is about 'Stadium Rock', wel as there have been very few of the big named bands that haven't toured stadiums since about the late eighties?early nineties, that must mean just about everyone. This series is seeming more and more pointless, badly planned, badly researched and badly made as it goes on.

OK, rant over, and that 's all from me for now.

chuntian hai'er lian, yi tian bian san bian (Chinese)

Well now, lets step back to Wednesday and my birthday. It was a pretty good one really, I've had better but I've certainly had worse. I must say actually that it was a good day and it was proved to me, yet again, that I am surrounded by people who care both in the vertual and the physical world. I got some very nice cards, some very nice wishes from my blogging and on-line friends, and some nice presents too. Then it was back to the mundane reality of life and I went to my counselling session, luckily it was a fairly light session which was mainly about ways I can stay focused on the 'now' and not get lost inside my own head, so that wasn't too bad. When I got back home Niki had bought me a cake and so we had an Indian take-away and then chocolate cake, which was really nice.

And so, on to other things.

Niki went over to stay with her Dad for a couple of days on Thursday morning. Her brother has gone on holiday for a week and she promised her Dad she'd go over to make sure he was alright. He's not doing too badly now, considering he only has half of his right leg left, but he gets a bit fed up being on his own too much and I can totally understand that. Anyway, Niki went over for Thursday and Friday, that way she can go to work from there on Saturday which is a lot easier than getting to work from here, and she'll be back home (and no doubt very tired) on Saturday night. It's odd being here on my own, I'm finding it a bit hard to get stuff done and I'm not sure why exactly but I just seem to be a lot less organised (not that I'm very organised at the best of times now days).

I had a doctors appointment this morning, I wanted to ask him why it is that if, as their tests show, I am in very good health for someone with an inoperable heart condition who is very overweight and suffering from depression, that I feel so bloody awful sometimes. He said it's just a part of haveing the conditions that I have and apart from loosing some weight and watching what I eat and when (because some foods have a worse effect on my body and well-being than others) and also watching how much I exert myself, there is very little I can do about it. I've also been having problems with the farmers again and he's prescribed me some little bombs of comfort that should help. The funny thing was though, I was late leaving home this morning and so phoned the doctors to let them know that, although I would be late, I would be there. My doctor is quite a way from where I live as I stayed with my old doctor when I moved, mainly because one of the partners is a heart specialist. Anyway, I was really lucky with the bus connections and ended up only being 10 minutes late. I then found out that there was only one doctor on as the other two were both on holiday, and he'd had two emergencies (one of which he was still dealing with) and so I hadn't missed my appointment because he was running late. I'm not sure exactly what time I went in to see him, but it was definately later than the 9.45 time of my appointment, and I came out of the doctors at about 11.15. Oh what fun

I'm going to end with some comments on some bits of world news.

I think it's wonderful that the G8 leaders have stated that they will commit completely and wholeheartedly to sticking to the promises they made to help to stop poverty and sickness in the third world. I mean it was only two years ago that these promises were made and the fact that hardly anything has actually been done yet by any of them is not important because they are sticking firmly but their promises. To me these sort of politicial promises mean just as much as it does when a bloke says to a woman that he loves her just to get in her knickers, the only difference is that it's the world that getting screwed.

Nice to see that justice is being done in the world today. Paris Hilton released early from jail, George Micheal doesn't get sent to jail, where's the justice. If any of us 'normal' 'ordinary' people had commited the crimes they have we would have been sent inside and had to do our time. I'm getting so fed up of celebrities who are above the law and of the message that things like this send to young impressionable fans of these people.

OK, rant overD

Well, I think that's about all from me for today.

meglio e esser capo di lucertola che coda di dragone (Italian)

I want to start by thanking all of you that commented on my last entry for your wishes and messages.

So there I was, quite strangely, staying in my down when it suddenly happened that the very fact that I had talked about it with my counsellor and then blogged about it, added to a few other quite nice things happening, meant that I came out of it. Not a problem you would think, but I came out of it before I had time to do the 'mourning for the things I've lost in my life' stuff, this means that I'm probably going to have to do it all over again next time (oh, joy!). And now I find myself to be a little bored quite a bit of the time with no idea what, if anything, I want to do to stop being bored.

I had a nice visit from my friend Mr Kelly on Saturday, we chatted about all sorts of things, listened to some music and watched some TV until about 2.30am. It was great, I haven't done something like that for ages.

Niki has been a bit uncomfortable and not sleeping well for the last few days, andI feel bad that I can't do anything to stop her feeling that way. Having said that, both her and the baby are doing fine and, apart from the fact that we're going to be running tight as far as money goes, everything seems to be course and getting ready for the baby coming in August.

It's a strange thing to come to terms with the fact that I am 44 tomorrow and yet I feel almost as dis-satisfied with my life as I did when I was twenty. Don't get me wrong, lots of wonderful things have happened to me over the years and if I could do it all again there are very few things that I would do differently, but I have this feeling that I just haven't done enough with my life. I know that this one of the things that I am trying to work through with my counsellor and I think it's going to be one of the hardest things for me to sort out. It links directly with my lack of self-worth and my self-loathing, which means it's probably not going to be easy or pretty dealing with it, but deal with it I must.

Well, I'm going to leave you with a couple of links I thought some of you might like:-

Kremmen

Metal