zig then ma che; dam choe ma ha (Dzongkha, Bhutan)

I went to my counselling session yesterday, not wanting to but knowing it was the best thing. I've been feeling more and more down recently and I know how bad it's been sometimes, so I wanted the counsellor to see how I was and maybe help me find a way out. She said that the only way out is through (wow, that sounds deeper than I thought it would). Basically I need to stay in the down and ride it through rather than try to find a way to stop it, but whilst doing that I also need to use the down to "mourn" and allow myself to feel the "loss" of all the things in my life that have changed or been effected due to my drinking, stopping drinking, and health condition. This isn't going to be easy or nice and so my postings on here may well become even more erratic and when I do post anything I'm not sure what it will be like.

If I don't do anything else I will make sure that everyone who wants to know is kept up to date with what's going on as far as Niki and the baby are concerned.

Well, that's all for now, hope to be back soon.

No quote at the top of this one as it's something I forgot to post last time.

I was tagged by Niki for this meme a little while ago, and forgot about it

“Each person tagged gives 7 random facts about themselves. Those tagged need to write in their blogs the 7 facts, as well as the rules of the game. You need to tag seven others and list their names on your blog. You have to leave those you plan on tagging a note in their comments so they know that they have been tagged and to read your blog.”

My 7 things:

1. I’m an ordained minister of the Universal Life Church.

2. I was on TV once at a Rock ‘n’ Roll wedding where Screaming Lord Sutch was the best man.

3. I hate gardening.

4. I get bored with things quite easily.

5. I take size 12 or 13 shoes.

6. I used to own an album by David Soul (and it wasn’t even the one that had hit single hits on).

7. I am a member of Sproutlaw, the Robert Rankin fan club.

I Tag Chyna Doll, Sweetymon, Meno, SketchWeasel, Faffajane, Rowtheboat, and Helly101

xian zhang de meimao, bi bu shang hou zhang de huzi (Chinese)

I'm not in the mood for blogging too much really (especially as I've already tried to do this once and the stupid site ate it), in fact I've not been in the mood for much of anything the last few days. Been feeling a bit down, when I haven't been achey or in pain, don't really know why.

We went over to Niki's studio to do decorating and stuff Monday, didn't finish it, too knackered and achey. The letting agent says someone should be taking it over in a month or so, good!

Niki had another scan on Wednesday, everything is fine. Here's the picture from the scan, if you look closely you can see the baby's hand:-

I had counselling, pretty much the same as normal.

Everything else is what it is.

See ya.

u miericu pietusu fa la piaga verminusa (Calabrian, Italy)

Maybe an apt quote to start this one with.

So off I go to the doctors and tell him (yes this time I actually got to see my own doctor) how I've been feeling and ask about the results of my blood test. He tells me that everything is fine, my blood sugar is good, my colesteral is good, my liver and kidney functions are both good. So why do I feel so ill? He says that I may well have a viral infection (basically I've got a cold or flu) and that all I can do is take pain killers and stuff like that. So I ask him if there are any he recomends, and this is where it kind of all becomes a bit more obvious to me what some of the tiredness and stuff may have been down to of late, he says take anything that is Paracetomol based and do not take anything like Ibuprofen. This is exactly the oposite of what the other doctor told me weeks ago and so I've been taking pain killers that basically cancel out the effects of one of the tablets that I take for my heart condition, that may explain a few things, it's probably going to take a week or so for the tablets to start working properly again but at least I know now and I still have this cold or flu to deal with as well, oh joy!

This weekend has been alright, some up's some down's but mostly alright. I was supposed to be going to the pictures with Scott on Saturday but he had other 15 year old boy things to be doing so we didn't go. I watched the BBC2 programme 'The 7 Ages Of Rock' last night, and basically didn't hear anything I hadn't heard before, in fact I didn't think they explain some of it very well and left out a few important points (like the way Hendrix's music was hi-jacked for political ends towards the end of his life and the fact that there were other rock bands playing excellent music around at the same time as those covered and in fact before Hendrix ever came over here). On the whole I wasn't really impressed and it doesn't bode well for the programme about Heavy Metal that's coming up in a few weeks time. Still at least it is a programme covering good music for a changeD

I also watched an amazing film last night called 'Waking Life', I was just flicking through the channels in the early hours and came accross it (unfortunately I missed about the first 5 minutes) and I really want to see it again. It was a fantastically animated film in the same style as 'A Scanner Darkly' and it was all about the relationship between our waking life and our life in dreams. If you want to know more it has it's own web site HERE and there is a short review HERE.

We're off to Niki's studio tomorrow, the letting agent thinks he's found someone to take over the lease (here's hopeing) so we've got to go and clear out the last few bits of Niki's stuff and paint the place. With a bit of luck that will mean that in a few weeks time we'll have shot of the place and we can finally sort out the debts surrounding it and move on, hurray!!!!

On a much more serious note, one thing I did mean to put in one of my earlier posts but couldn't do then, was a story that was on the front page of The London Paper last Thursday that made me so angry I couldn't have written it without just swearing about it a lot. A female lawyer for the defense said that a 16 year old girl who claims she was raped by three 13 year old boys would have been glad of the attention because she was overweight. The lawyer said that the girl and her friend had consented to sex "maybe to gain attention, maybe to gain affection" she said that the girl in question had "slimmed down a lot" since the incident and also that "She was 12st 6lb - not quite the swan she may turn into. She may well have been glad of the attention". I can't believe that anyone, and especially a lawyer can get away with saying something like that. Does she really think that any girl would be "glad" to be raped just because she is overweight? What does this mean? That it's perfectly alright to rape fat women? What about old women or disabled woman, because I'm sure that by the reasoning this lawyer has used they possible get less sexual attention than younger more able-bodied women do, so is it alright to rape them too? I hope that this isn't forgotten and that somebody stands up and says that this lawyer is wrong to say these things, but unfortunately I don't think that anything will happen about it at all.

Lastly I want to tell people about an appeal on one of Niki's friends blogs, Thumb Gusset, it is an appeal for baby stuff for Uganda, please go and check it out HERE.

Well that's all from me for now, see you later

olcso husnak hig a leve (Hungarian)

Once again, unfortunately I couldn't put the accent marks over the 'O' at the end of the first word and the 'U' in the second word.

Well, they say the best laid plans of mice and men...annaldat. I started feeling unwell probably late morning on Wednesday, by the middle of the afternoon I felt like crap. I had really bad aches and pains all accross my shoulders and just felt incredibly tired and washed out. So I didn't go to counselling, fell asleep in the armchair instead. This meant, of course that I didn't go out and so (as I had left it until the last minute, 'Typical man' I hear many of you shout) couldn't get Niki a card or present for her birthday as I had planned on doing. She says it doesn't matter, but it does to me. Then yesterday I woke up still feeling really grotty, still with the aches and pains and still feeling washed out and tired. I did manage to send Niki two e-cards for her birthday, but that's not the same. Anyway, Niki went out to meet up with some of her friends at a knitting group that she used to go to regularly at Libertys in London, and it was there last meeting. Unfortunately as the day weht on I felt worse and so we didn't go out last night, we had a Chinese take-away at home instead. Again Niki says it doesn't matter but it does to me, I have spent a lot of my life feeling that I let the people around down a lot of the time and this kind of thing just makes me feel the same way. Anyway, today I woke up with the aches and pains still there, not quite as tired and washed out but a bit more heady and with a bit of a sore throat, the fact that I am now feeling quite sweaty and hot tells me that I may have a cold or flu or something. Luckily I'm already going to see the doctor today, so it's just one more thing to talk to him or her about.

I forgot a few things in my last posting. Firstly, I forgot to say that I put some other songs up on the MySpace site for Beyond Help, I've now managed to convert all of the tracks from our demo cassette to MP3's and although on some of them one of the guitars seems to be a bit too quiet they are pretty good quality.

The second thing I forgot to do was put up a picture of the great watch that Scott bought for me, here it is:-

Well, Niki has gone out to meet a woman who might be going to give her some work after the baby is born, and I'm going to do a bit os washing up then get myself ready to go to the doctors.

See you later

il giocare non e male, ma e male il perdere (Italian)

Just as an aside to the above quote, I don't know how to put the accents above the "e"s in it so that may make a difference to it's translation.

I just sat down here to do a blog entry and realised that I haven't done one since we went to Sutton. This is a warning that this may well turn into a longish entry and will have a few pictures and links as well.

So, off we went to Sutton a week ago last Friday morning, a longish but not too bad journey. We got there in the early afternoon and things were pretty much as they have been in the past, the rabbits were in the rabbitry and the cats were everywhere and anywhere they wanted to be. Saturday Niki went to work, which was a bit easier and quicker for her to get to from there than it is from here, I sorted out the rabbits and went for a wander along Sutton's main shopping area. I managed to find a book for Niki in a charity shop and bought a couple of magazines, then went back. Sunday we had a lazy day, just sorting out the rabbits and watching TV, we watched a DVD of The DaVinci Code (a film that we hadn't seen before, Niki's read the book, I had no overwhelming desire to do either but as it was there and we had nothing else to do I thought 'why not'), it's an alright film but I really don't see what all the fuss was about, even Tom Hanks's haircut wasn't as bad as I had heard reported. Monday was pretty much the same as Sunday really. Although we didn't do much it was nice to be somewhere else and just relax a bit, feeling a step removed from, if not totally escaping, the stress at home. On Tuesday we stayed until Les and Tess came home from their show, which had been at Maple Durham water mill (which for those of you that don't know is the building on the front cover of the first Black Sabbath album, as you can see below):-

So, after passing plesantries with them we left to come home, again the journey was longish but not too bad. So all in all it was a nice break, if not as relaxing as a proper holiday but still nice to get away for a change.

Wednesday was counselling day again and more talking about the relationships between myself and Niki, my ex, and my kids. It was a bit intense but helped me a lot, especially as Scott was going to be staying at the weekend and I was due to have a chat with him about stuff.

Thursday was a busy day for me, Niki wasn't feeling up to coming with me but I went over to show some people round the studio. Three people were arranged to come and look at it, out of them one turned up and didn't seem overly interested (not that I blame him really, he's a stone mason and the studio is on the first floor, well I wouldn't really want to lug lumps of stone up a flight of stairs to carve them and then lug them back down to either show them or sell them), but he took all the details away and said he'd be in touch. So a half day of doing not much sat in an empty studio on the other side of London, and spending about four hours travelling there and back. Well, it's something different to do.D

Scott came to stay on Friday, and gave me a gift of a pocket-style watch on a chain and in it's own leather pouch that he bought for me when he went to a bike rally with Becca and Jay a few weeks ago. Friday night was good and relaxed. Niki went to work again on Saturday and I had that chat with Scott. It seemed to work out really well and I hope that he takes notice of what I said to him, I do worry about him sometimes and just how much he reminds me of me. I hope I managed to show him that I am a flawed person in lots of ways and that he needs to find himself and not try to be me (which is what both I and a few other people I have talked to feel), but that I love him and am proud of him (although I sometimes don't like or agree with the way he behaves), and will always be there for him no matter what. Anyway, enough deep stuff, Niki came home and we got a take away in and settled in to watch the unique experience of Eurovision. What a bunch of rubbish that lot was, the only songs that I thought were half decent were from Finland and there was another one but I can't remember the country. Unfortunately, despite my attempts to make sure that his musical tastes were better than this, Scott loved the Ukrane entry which seemed to be performed by the love child of Elton John and Timmy Mallet with two adult scouts in silver foil. Niki, on the other hand was backing the Swedish entry which was a real bit of 70's sub-glam pap, IMHO. Anyway, it was all a bit of a laugh really, and at least that awful Skooch thing didn't win. Scott went home on Sunday after lunch and we had a relaxing evening enjoying our own company.

So here we are and Monday was a quiet day on the whole, and today we went to Romford and saw someone at the CAB to find out about housing stuff. The rest of this week is looking fairly full, counselling tomorrow as well as shopping for Thursday (which is Niki's birthday), then were going out for a meal on Thursday night, and I've got a doctor's appointment on Friday evening.

LINKS

Here's some links that you might find interesting (there are some pictures from some of them underneath as well:-

Sabbath Sitar Album (I want a copy of this)

Fletcher Hexer Guitar

Nation Music Museum Twin Neck

Norman Myall Instruments

Odd Gallery - with guitars + others

Mosaics - guitars + others

Erik Hokanson Guitars

PICTURES

Here's some pictures that I thought some of you might like:-

Well that's all from me for now (more than enough some might say), see you later

l'argent ne se trouve pas sous le sabot d'un cheval (French)

AAAAAARRRRRGGGGHHHHHH!!!!!!!!! Bloody kids!!!! Well that's about covered that for the moment.

I can't believe I've got this far through the week without posting a blog entry. The week seems to have flown by, the trouble is that my memory seems to be getting worse and I can't say I remember much having happened really. I do remember getting immensly pissed off at the busses on Tuesday because we went out in the afternoon and waited so long for a bus to go to Ilford that in the end it wasn't worth going because the shops we wanted to go to would be closing so we went back home. It's things like that, that make me question London's ability to cope with the ammount of people that will be useing the transport network when we have the Olympics.

Anyway, apart from that and a general feeling of being a bit bored and fed up, and Tuesday night's phone call (bloody kids!!!!), things have been pretty good. My counselling session was quite interesting and also very tireing, we covered some deep stuff about my drinking life, my kids, and my relationship with both my ex and Niki, so It was a bit draining, but good none-the-less. Niki came with me and waited for me behind the counselling place, in Valence Park. After my session I went and sat with her and we watched the ducks and geese and moorhens and odd fishermen (not to imply that there weren't many of them, you know "just the odd one or two" but just that they were all a bit odd). It was really nice to be out and not worrying about stuff for a little while.

We are off to stay at Niki's friends, Less and Tess's place in Sutton this weekend to look after their rab bits and cats while they are away. It'll be nice as we're not likely to get anything resembling a holiday this year. So I may well post a blog entry while I'm away but I'm not going to promise anything.

I'm going to sign off with a few links that I thought some of you might find interesting/entertaining, here they are:-

Some complex model art

Onward Christian soldiers

Gibson Guitar Town London

Coffin art

Well that's about all I've got so I'll see you all.