This week has been odd so far. The toilet got fixed (praise the lord) and it was done in enough time for me and Niki to go over to youth club, which is tiring but fun, we didn't go to the TV show that we were supposed to because Niki didn't feel up to it. The problem was that she was willing to go anyway because she thought that I really wanted to go, I had to do a fair amount of convincing that it really wasn't that important to me and it wasn't, it was just a TV show not anything really important, so we stayed at home and just chilled out in front of the TV. Yesterday Niki had to go to Stash in Putney and then pop back to her studio to meet with some guys who might be taking it over from her, so I stayed at home fully intending to do stuff (almost none of which I did), Becca and Lauren came round late in the afternoon and we talked about lots of stuff including Jay and A13, they have a slot playing at Dagenham Town Show on the 15th of July (the same day that Scott has his birthday party) and also Jay has decided that he doesn't want to play guitar and sing any more, so they are looking for a singer now. That might help with the stage presence and interaction with the audience and between the band, we'll see. I suppose I started feeling a bit low somewhere around mid-day, don't know why but it just happens that way sometimes.

I am a fraud and I can't understand why no one else seems to be able to see it except me. I'm not any of the things I want to and pretent to be, but for some reason people seem to be convinced that I am. Strangely enough not everyone is convinced by the same things, but they all seem to be convinced by at least one of my pretend abilities. One day everyone will figure it out and see me for what I am. There are still so many things in my life that I can't openly acknowledge or deal with but if I don't I know they could quite easily eat me up. How much of my time do I spend just trying to repress things? I've lost track of all the repression I undertake on a daily basis.

Anyway, enough of that. Today we are off to sunny Sutton, five days with the bunnies and cats, and it's supposed to be very hot this week so that should be fun. Actually I do enjoy going there, it may be chaotic and a little hippy/squat like, but it's nice toget away from here for a few days every now and then, and I suppose secretly I do quite like the cats a bit (not being a cat person that's quite a thing to admit for me) and I like the bunnies, so it's quite good fun really and Sutton, and the surrounding area, isn't a bad place.

We will be back at some ridiculous hour on Monday night, after having first travelled accross to youth club, that might not be so much fun next week depending on how tired we are

So off we go, I hope to post an entry or two from Sutton but it depends on what else is going on, so see y'all