So here I sit, listening to the light snoring of both Niki and Scott. I didn't realise just how hard it would be to do a blog entry with both of them here, but there you go. It's been an ok weekend, Scott's been here since Saturday lunch time and as far as I know (although with him it could change any time) he's staying until tomorrow. We haven't done a huge amount but it has been good having both him and Niki here, it almost feels like having a family again. Today we are going to Romford, no I'm not sure why either, and we're going to go to the pictures to see X-Men 3 so it should be a pretty good day.

I've still been feeling a bit down and still have no idea exactly why, one thing that I have noticed over the last few weeks is that I feel myself missing my parents a lot at the moment, I don't know why it should be that I'm missing them more now than I normally do but that's just the way of things I've come to realise. I haven't really said a lot to anyone about it, after all it's not like anyone can actually do anything about it. I've also been feeling a lot of guilt lately, mainly to do with me not having money and/or a job and so spending a lot of time with Niki paying for things, I know that I relied on and maybe even used my ex far too much as far as money was concerned and that it must have been one of the factors in our breakup and I was determined not to get into the same situation again, but I have and it really pisses me off that I am, once again, living off someone else. The problem is, and I think this is one reason it gets me down so much, that I can't really do anything about it at the moment (well not anything legal, and knowing my luck if I tried anything illegal I'd only get caught).

I sometimes just want to scream and smash things, but I don't have that much to smash and the screaming is only any good if I can do it without anyone coming running to see what the matter is

I don't know what I'm going to do but I do know that I need to come up with an idea or two soon.

Anyway, Niki and I are off to Sutton on Thursday and won't be back until late Monday night, the day before my birthday (for which I am doing bugger all, except getting my old three piece suite out of the flat so it can be collected by the council for disposal), so I doubt if I'll be putting anything on here while I'm away, but you never know.

See y'all