Firstly I hope everyone had a good Christmas and that Santa brought you all at least some of what you wanted.

Christmas here was a little more spartan than I would have liked but it was still good and we had a good time. We got some good presents, even if one was a little unexpected. All it all it was fun.

Here's a strange thing, we seem to be having a problem with flies in the house. I always wondered where they went in the winter and it seems that it might be our house. These flies, and there have been quite a few of them over the last week or so, are not your little flitty flies but big blue bottle types and it seems that everytime we get a couple in the house and I kill them, a couple more turn up, sometimes within minutes. Maybe it's some kind of supernatural thingy, or maybe there's a dead body under the bath, or maybe it's just another manifestation of the strange luck that me and Niki seem to have in our lives.

Womble is setteling in fine, she's can still be a bit of a pain in the arse at times but that's partly due to her being a puppy still and wanting to play all the time (when she isn't either asleep or eating everything), she's ok going for walks on her lead now although she hasn't learnt things like not pulling on the lead, or the whole idea of fetching things that are thrown for her when we get to the park, but she's only young I suppose.

Well, I hope everyone has a good New Year and that next year is better for us all than this year has been.

See y'all next year

Happy Christmas to you all!!!!

Here's a video for you to watch and maybe it will bring back some memories:-

BEHOLD THE HAMMER!!

See y'all later

Here we are on the run up to Christmas, a new main pic especially for the season, not as much done at home as we maybe would have liked but there you go.

It looks like Niki's Dad will be in hospital until after the New Year although he may be allowed out for Christmas Day but we'll see.

Womble is doing well, almost completely house trained now and, after some initial reluctance, going out on a lead for walks (although she seems very nervous all the time we're out and hasn't quite got the hang of playing fetch over the park) and slowly learning not to get too nippy when playing.

In general things are going pretty well-ish, so why do I still feel so crappy? I really don't understand, I hope the counselling starts quickly after the New Year and helps me to get to grips with things. Adding to my mental state, the farmers are playing up and causing me some real greif, a trip to the doctors early in the New Year is definately called for and until then lots of cream and cushions.

Over a period of time my doctors have told me that the food I have eaten all my life was too rich, too fatty and unhealthy, my question is this, if you are what you eat why have I just become too fatty and unhealthy and not rich?

Well, that's all I've got for now, I hope to post at least one more entry before Christmas, so see y'all

This is just a quick post to introduce you all to our new arrival. This is mine and Niki's new dog, Womble.

She is a puppy that we have taken from a rescue centre and she arrived at about 10ish last night. She's a Collie / Bull Terrier cross and is as soppy as hell. She's house trained-ish but she's got to get used to us and the house so for a little while we'll probably be cleaning up a bit more than usual, still never mind.

It's nice to be able to blog about something good for a change.

Events, by their very nature, happen. It is the purpose of an event to happen; it is their very reason for being. If an event does not happen then it cannot be said to truly be an event, but this does not make it a non-event, because to be deemed a ‘non-event’ the event must have happened in the first place because it is still some kind of event. Some event can been seen to be going to happen before they actually occur, or foretold (these events are events that happen regularly and are there for predictable) although this does not necessarily mean that they will actually happen because sometimes these events are replaced by other events. These, second type of events, are ones that are unexpected and can only be known about when they occur, these are the events that do more to shape our lives and being because they are often more life changing than the events that can be foretold (although there are also many exceptions to this). It is how we deal with these unexpected events that really determines our path through life, sometimes many of these events occur at the same time and we find it all too over whelming to deal with, but even at these times we can be shown a way through and sometimes by the people we expect it from the least.

I wish here to publicly declare my unconditional and undying love for my children, they are both great and mean the world to me, and I am very proud of both of them.

Niki’s dad is still in hospital and having another minor piece of surgery today. It looks like he will be in there until at least the New Year now. He’s not happy about it, and I can’t say I blame him for that, Charing Cross hospital is possibly one of the worst I’ve ever had the misfortune to go into. Don’t get me wrong I think that doctors and nurses do an amazing job given all the problems they have and the nature of the job they do but that hospital is just terrible. People around here complain about King George’s and Old Church hospitals but I think I’d rather be in either of them for a month than Charing Cross for a week. Anyway, hopefully once they’ve done this operation today things will start to improve for him and he’ll be able to leave not long into the New Year. I do worry that all the traveling and the stress of the situation is taking a lot out of Niki and am more than a little pissed of at her sister and dad because they could both make it a lot easier on her, her brother is alright but as he lives near the hospital it isn’t too much of an upheaval for him to visit regularly, which he does. Still that’s families for you.

Because of everything that’s been going on Christmas has taken a bit of a back seat for us, we’ve been trying to get some stuff done but have failed miserably. I know Niki feels bad about it but for me it’s not as big a deal, I haven't been a fan of Christmas for many years now (I've been very 'Bah Humbug' for most of my adult life) and so I don’t miss all the stuff that goes with it. It would be nice to be able to have an old style Christmas with things like I remember them from my childhood, but realistically I don’t think that’s ever going to happen for me so there’s no point in even thinking about it really.

On a slightly cheerier note I have been in contact with my sister again and we seem to have been able to patch things up a bit, it’s a start which we can hopefully build upon and move forward from the problems of the past.

I’m set to start a new round of counseling sometime in January/February; I went for an assessment interview last week and now have to wait to here from them. This will be more in depth and long term counseling than I have received before and may mean that I have to face and deal with some really big demons. It’s something that I am both looking forward to, because hopefully I will be able to find a way to move away from those things, and am also very scared of, because I don’t know exactly what will come up or how I’ll deal with it all, but it is also something that I know I have to do and I feel that I need to do it now. I will keep you all posted as to how it’s going once it starts properly.

I have no idea why but I’m going to post some links to some videos that I found before all the stuff happened and meant to post then, I don't know if any one else is going to be interested in them but I liked them, anyway here they are:-

Video 1 – One of the most bizarre songs and videos I think I’ve ever heard or seen (and those of you that know my liking of odd music know how just how odd I mean).

Video 2 – It’s amazing just how many songs you can fit to one tune.

Video 3 – I’ve seen bands in pubs that aren’t as good as these kids (actually I’d even go so far as to say I’ve been in bands that aren’t as good)

Video 4 – Some very bizarre, but interesting, animation with unfortunately a rather annoying soundtrack.

I don’t have much more to say right now, but hopefully I’ll be back blogging more regularly from now on, see y'all.

Sometimes things happen that just leave you numbed by there very nature, today is a dark day.

I don't think I'll be blogging for a few days, but I will be back and will explain more then.

Well the week at Niki's Dad's was interesting. The Magic Numbers gig was great and we actually bought a t-shirt that fits us, which was a bonus. We spent some time packing up Niki's studio and have now got it almost completely done. We visited her Dad in hospital about every other day, and I got to meet her sister who I'd never met before, she seems alright but then I don't know her as well as Niki does

I came home from Niki's Dad's on Friday because Scott came to stay for the weekend. Her Dad is not doing brilliantly at the moment he's had three operations now and is a bit fed up of being in hospital. Niki is tired and a bit stressed by it all, but keeps telling me she's fine (why do we both do that?).

Scott came over Friday evening and so did Big Chris who seems a lot happier now than he has for some time, Niki came home on Saturday night after work and was knackered but seemed alright. We had a visit on Saturday night from Blind Lemon Kelly which was great, it's always really good to see him. He came bareing gifts of a video and single by Alexi Sayle which was as brilliant as it was unexpected, thank you Mr Kelly. Scott went home on Sunday and later we had a quick visit from Becca and Lauren, along with cousin Kath, which was really lovely. All in all we had a good weekend.

So now here I sit, Niki has gone over to see her Dad again and help her friend Robin with some work he's got at the studio's. It's strange how sometimes old thoughts stir and old situations start pushing their way back into your thoughts. I'm feeling particularly flat right now and have no idea why, I can feel a mix of anger, depression and fear welling up inside me and I'm fighting not to let it take control. I really have no idea what has started this, not that it's that important, what is important now is to stop it before it gets any worse.

I sometimes look around me and wonder why it is that the older some people get the more they feel the need to play games with others and also why some people seem to revert to almost teenage behaviour, I'm not saying that I act like a responsible adult all of the time and I'm not trying to sound all holier than thou, but these things add to my general feeling of flatness and I just need to get them out of me sometimes.

It's a strange thing that i find hard to understand sometimes but I know that I can't exist without others, I need other people around me to keep me going, and I also know that I have a massive amount of self loathing to try deal with, but sometimes I just want to be alone and not talk to anyone. The thing is that when I had no choice because I was on my own, I hated it and was depressed because of it, but now I sometimes find that I feel like I am fighting for time alone. I hate the confusion and paradoxical nature of my mental state.

Anyway, enough of my grumbling and groaning, I'll see y'all later.

Well here I sit having a light lunch before trying to get far too much stuff to carry accross to the other side of London. Niki and I are going to spend the week at her dad's, because he's still in hospital and her brother is going away for a week, which means there's no one to look after the cats. Given the choice of them coming to stay with us or us going to stay there we chose the later. It's quite helful in a way because we're going to see The Magic Numbers tonight at Hammersmith and it's not far from there to Niki's dad's so that's pretty good, plus we have to go to the studio Niki has and pack it up, as she's giving the place up and we'll have to move it all by the end of the year.

I have a couple of things that I've been trying to find out about and wanted to throw them open to you all to see if anyone could offer any help at all. The first is about a song that i remember from the 70's but haven't got much info about, the song is called 'Nervous Wreck' and it's by The Radio Stars, I don't know any more about it than that except that I'm sure it was on the Chiswick Records lable, so any info would be great especially if you know if there's anywhere to download it from on-line. Here's a picture of the sleeve:-

The second thing is some info to help with my family tree, my great-great-great-grandad (I think that's right) was the landlord of The Angel Inn in Rainham in the 1800's the trouble is that I have found it almost impossible to go back any further than that, I can't seem to trace him being born in Rainham and records before the 1800's seem to be difficult to find, if anyone has either any knowledge of the pub and it's history or where I could find more info without it costing me a fortune I'd apprectiate it. Here's a picture of the Angel Inn as it is now:-

Well, I think that's about all I've got right now, except that I got sent this picture the other day and I forwarded to Old Nick who said you guys might like to see it. It is yet another instance of the picture of Christ appearing in an unusual place (hope this doesn't offed anyone out there). Here's the picture:-

See y'all

It's been odd for me for the last two days, yesterday Niki had to go over to see her dad who is ill in hospital and as she had to work today it made sense for her to stay over there, so she made arrangements to meet up with a friend and go out last night. I'm glad that she's keeping in touch with her friends as I sometimes feel guilty about the fact that she has moved right accross London and left everything behind while I have stayed where all my friends and family are. As far as I'm concerned her friends all have an open invitation to come over any time (as long as they phone first to make sure we're in). Anyway she's gone to see her dad agin tonight and is coming home afterwards, so I don't know exactly what time she'll be home.

It's a strange thing but it seems that whenever I'm down most of the people I know are alright and then we seem to switch places and when I feel up they seem to go through a bad time. The problem is that when there are three or four of your friends all having a rough time at the same time it can be difficult to know how much to give of yourself to each of them so that you support them in their dark times but don't spread yourself emotionally too thin and end up getting back into your own down state.

Getting ourselves sorted in the new house is taking some time, and I know that a fair amount of the reason for that is the fact that I have been finding it difficult to focus and motivate myself to do much, hopefully as I'm feeling a bit more up now than I have been I will do more to help with that.

I wanted to make sure that this entry had something a bit light hearted in it but to be honest although I feel more up than I have done of late, I'm still not really high enough to be laughing and joking on here, so I'll leave that for a future entry.

So, to all my friends, both bloggers and non-bloggers I would just like to say that I wish you all good times and better days and thank you for your continued friendship.

See y'all

I can't believe just how self obsessed and paranoid I am, and it's taken me more than three years of being sober to realise it. I also can't believe just how bad a friend I am really, I make all the right noises and try to say all the comforting things that friends are supposed to say when their friends are having problems but deep down inside all I keep thinking is "What have I done wrong this time? How have I screwed up again?". In my last session, my counsellor said that I must understand that this is all just part of my insecurity and my mental state as a whole, what I want to know is why must I understand that? I don't understand that! I find it very hard to understand exactly why it is that every time a friend of mine is haveing a hard time or has a problem or is suffering in their life, I just turn it all around in my head and make it about me. Intellectually I know that it's not about me and there is no way it can be, but my mind still does it to me every time. I have been told that because it is not something I'm doing on purpose and it is my mind that is making that conection on it's own then it's not something I should blame myself for but that kind of thinking does not sit well with my own philosophy, my actions and reactions are my responsibility and mine alone. Because of this I want to publicly apologise to both Chris's, Nick and Sandy for not giving you all anywhere near as much support and love as I feel I should have and I feel you have all given me over the years.

Well, this has been an odd day. A day in which I have experience absolutely no highs or lows of any kind really, I’m feeling incredibly flat at the moment (not an easy thing to do when you’re my size). Because of this flatness of being I have written a total of exactly 0 words of my novel, whilst Niki (who assured me that she wouldn’t be able to write anything) has written around 2500 words of hers. I just can’t seem to get the muse, as they say, it’s taken me all day to work up to writing this blog entry. Still we’ve got some of the house sorted out, although in all honesty that “we” is actually more Niki than me, and I’ve even been out of the house a couple of times this week, during the day!!!! Which brings me to the main part of this posting which is a review, of sorts, of the gig on Halloween.

Scott and I managed to get to Kentish Town tube a full half an hour before the doors opened and thought long and hard (for about 30 seconds) about getting something to eat but decided not to bother as neither of us were that hungry (the reason for telling you this will become clear later), instead we walked to the Forum amongst the other gig goers. Many of the people there had dressed especially for the gig (although I did get the feeling that more than a few of them actually dressed like that all the time), one guy was dressed up as a were-wolf, there were multiple Kiss fans in full make-up, many people who looked like they had only just woken up and had to rush out with out making the coffin, and a smattering of people who looked as if they had been attacked by the were-wolf guy. There were some people dressed in what can only be described as Viking/Celtic battle dress, some with weaponry and all in full battle cry voice. Then there were the odd ones, people who had come straight from work and were still wearing suits and stuff. Alongside these were people like me and Scott who were for the most part dressed in the normal rock attire if jeans and t-shirt with some band or other picture on the front.

We queued for a while (not too long so it wasn’t too bad) and then we were inside one of the only venues in London that seems to operate a 1970’s security force, we walked, a guy tore our tickets and grunted as he pointed to the stairs we had to go up and that was it, I didn’t see another security person all night.

We decided that before the support band came on we would have a drink. So we had a pint of coke each with three ice cubes that had been made from the purest water in the known world and flown in especially supported on golden threads and carried by specially trained dragonflies ridden by fairy princesses, and a can of Red Bull which was one of only two made especially for the Emperor of China and personally brought to London by a thousand of his greatest warriors. I’m sure that must have been the case anyway because I can’t see any other reason they would have cost £8.90.

And so to the show, and I will start with Lordi and tell you about the support band afterwards.

Having learnt all I know about Lordi from the internet after seeing them on the Eurovision Song Contest, I was expecting a gig that would revolve around over the top stage production and average, but highly entertaining, songs, in this I wasn’t disappointed. Lordi are like the musical equivalent of that varnish stuff they advertise on TV, “it does what it says on the tin”, they and their show reminded me a lot of Thor, the body building heavy metal showman from many years ago, and all I can say really is that they were entertaining and fun to watch.

The support band was a whole different kettle of fish. I didn’t know who were supporting Lordi until they came on stage (actually to be honest I did really know their name until after the gig and I saw one of their t-shirts) and I was not really prepared for what I saw. Now before I explain fully I want to assure everyone that I really didn’t have anything to drink and didn’t take any kind of drug the whole night. The support band was called Turisas and they are amazing. They consisted, at first, of a drummer, bass guitarist, keyboard player, guitarist and singer who were all dressed pretty much like your standard Viking/Celtic warrior with furs, leather, face paint and hair everywhere. These were then joined by an electric violinist and an accordion player who were dressed like Scottish highland warriors, all hair, bare chest, dirt and kilt. The music they play is your run of the mill mix of Viking battle/drinking songs with a splash Celtic folk music thrown in. After a couple of songs they were joined by another accordion player who was painted white with some splodges of colour here and there and was wearing Union Jack y-fronts. They then proceeded to blast through the most amazing cover version of ‘Rasputin’ I have ever heard. They were probably the most incredible band I have ever seen live and, although musically some of their stuff wasn’t to my normal taste, I loved them, can’t wait to get the CD. For those of you that may doubt me please check out there web site HERE and also the songs and videos on their My Space site HERE, you can also see a clip of them doing ‘Rasputin’ HERE. Enjoy!

So then we made our way home and again turned down the choice of buying food to take home with us preferring to wait and go to a place called ‘Angie’s’ near home that we went to on returning from seeing System Of A Down earlier this year. So we make it home and find that ‘Angie’s' is shut and so is everywhere else despite it only being about 12.15. So we think that we will have to go without any food for the night (I should explain at this point that we were sleeping in my old flat that night as it is nearer to a tube station and thus easier to get home to at a reasonable time, plus Scott had to go to school the next day and the old flat is nearer his school, the problem is that they is nothing left there except the sleeping bags and coffee making stuff I had dropped of earlier) and trudge our weary way home. When we get in we discover that one of the local take-away's delivers up to 1am during the week and as it’s only just 12.45 we order a bucket of chicken and chips which duly arrives about twenty minutes later and we pig out and sleep.

On the whole a good night, it was a great gig and I really enjoyed it, in fact I don’t think I’ve enjoyed a gig in the same way since I was about 18.

Anyway enough of this, I need a coffee and Niki is busy upstairs either putting stuff away or writing, so I’m going.
See y’all.

While I was off line for a week I received a few different e-mails with questions in them so I thought I'd put them all together in one giant MEME (and I'm also going to e-mail it back), I've tried to take out any duplicate questions, so here they all are.

1. Does anyone know your password to your myspace?
Not as far as I know.

2. What was the last thing you ordered at McDonalds?
Haven’t eaten in McDonalds for at least 5 years, don’t like the food.

3. Are you an emotional person?
Yes.

4. Do you like your name?
It’s alright I suppose.

5. Do you believe in love at first sight?
Love, sometimes, lust definitely.

6. Ever felt jealous of your friend?
Yes.

7. What was the last thing you did?
Answered question 6.

8. Who is right next to you?
No one.

9. Who was the last person you ate with?
Niki and Big Chris.

10. What song are you listening to right now?
Crazy Nights by Therion.

11. How's the weather right now?
Bright and sunny but windy.

12. Last person who called you today?
No one has called yet.

13. Last lie you told?
I’m alright.

14. Last song you sang?
California Sun by The Ramones.

15. Do you like anyone?
Yes, lots of people.

16. Lost a friendship over something stupid?
Yes.

18. Last thing you ate?
Banana sandwich.

19. What did you do last night?
Ate, watched TV, surfed the net, slept.

20. Faked being sick to miss school?
Yes, many times.

21. What time did you wake up today?
About 8.30.

22. Last person you texted?
Niki, I think.

24. What are you wearing right now?
Jeans and a t-shirt.

25. Are you too quiet to ask anyone out?
Sometimes.

26. What is the first thing you notice about the opposite sex?
Eyes, hair, breasts (but not necessarily in that order).

27. Where are you right now?
Sitting in front of my computer at home.

28. When was the last time you had sex?
This morning.

29. When is the next time you will have sex?
Not sure, we don’t plan it that much.

30. Where were you last?
In bed.

31. How old are you?
43.

32. Are you watching TV?
No.

33. Are you mature or immature?
Depends on what mood I’m in.

34. Are you closer to your mom or dad?
When they were alive I think I was probably a bit closer to my mum, but I’m closer to both of them now than I’ve ever been.

35. Are you an only child?
No.

36. What’s the most annoying thing people say to you?
Can’t think of anything specific but I hate it when people take the piss out of me.

37. Do you like where you work?
I love it, I don’t work.

39. Do you want to get married?
Not until after I get divorced and then I’ll have to think about it very seriously first.

40. To whom?
Niki, I would imagine.

41. What is the middle name of the last person you slept with?
Jane.

42. What kind of underwear are you wearing and what color?
Not wearing any.

43. What is the song you want played at your funeral?
I want a shortened version of “In The Light” by Led Zeppelin played when the people are going in to sit down and then I want a couple of other songs played during the service (not exactly sure which ones yet) and I want either the Monty Python theme music (Liberty Bell by Souza) or “Burning For You” by Blue Oyster Cult as the coffin goes through to be cremated.

44. Would you tell your parents if you're gay?
It would be difficult now but I would have done if I was when they were alive.

45. What would your last meal be before getting executed?
A very big one that lasted a really long time.

46. Beatles or Stones?
Both.

47. If you had to pick one person on earth who should die, who?
I’m not sure that anyone deserves to die really, I think that some people should suffer greatly for the rest of their lives but death would be too quick and easy for them.

48. Beer, wine or hard liquor?
None.

49. Do you have any phobias?
Yes.

50.What are your plans for the future?
Not totally sure at the moment.

51. What's your dog thinking right now?
Don’t have a dog.

52. Do you walk around the house naked?
Sometimes.

53. How many drinks does it take to get you drunk?
I don’t know, haven’t had a drink for over 3 years so probably not many now.

54. Where is your best friend?
My best friends are probably at work or home (I’m not sure).

55. Hair color you like on someone you're dating?
Brunette or black.

56. Would you rather be blind or deaf?
I rather not be either, but if I had to choose then I’d rather be blind.

57. Do you have any special talents?
You’d have to ask Niki.

58. Did you brush your teeth this morning?
No.

59. Ever call for a booty call?
No.

60. First movie you can remember seeing as a kid?
The Student Prince & Fantasia.

61. What do you do as soon as you walk in the house?
It depends on where I’ve been.

62.Do you like horror or comedy?
Both.

63. Do you like to watch movies by yourself?
No.

64. Guilty pleasure movie you will always watch if it's on?
Not sure I have one, but I will always watch “Die Hard” if it’s on.

65. Person you most wish you hadn't been with?
Can’t think of one.

66. Where do you want to live when you are old?
Anywhere.

67. Who is the person you can count on most?
Niki, Big Chris, Chris Kelly, Nick, Becca (there may be others as well).

68. If you could date any celebrity past or present, who would it be?
Kerry Marie, Eden Mor, either or both of the Shwalha sisters (basically any large breasted brunette).

69. Favourite drinking game?
Don’t have one, never liked them much.

70. What did you dream last night?
Don’t know.

71. What is your favourite sport to watch?
Don’t really have one.

72. Real or fake boobs?
Real.

73. What is your new obsession?
Don’t think I have one, I have far too many old ones to fit a new one in.

74. If you could take back one thing in your past, what would it be?
Far too many to just pick one.

75. Single, Taken, or Crushing?
Taken.

76. Are you happy with where you are?
Sometimes.

77. When you meet the right person, do you fall fast?
I don’t know, I think so.

78. Have you ever had your heart broken?
Yes.

79. Do you believe that there are certain circumstances where cheating is ok?
No.

80. Would you ever take someone back if they cheated on you?
Possibly, it would depend on the person and the circumstances.

81. Have you talked about marriage with another person?
Yes.

82. Do you want children?
Have 2, don’t really want any more.

83. How many?
See above.

84. Would you consider adoption?
I would have when I was a bit younger and fitter but not now.

85. If somebody liked you right now, what do you think is a cool way to let you know??
Just tell me straight.

86. Do you enjoy playing hard to get?
Not really.

87. Do you want someone you can’t have?
Sometimes.

88. Do you believe in celebrating anniversaries?
It’s not that important to me but it’s good to mark the passing of time.

89. Do you believe that you can change someone?
No, and I don’t think you should try.

90. If you could get married anywhere, where would it be?
Don’t know.

91. Do you have feelings for someone right now?
Yes.

92. Have you ever wished you could've had someone but you knew you couldn’t have them?
Yes.

93. Have you ever broken a heart?
I don’t think so but I don’t know for sure.

94. Would you ever fight over your significant other?
Yes.

95. What would you say about your last ex?
I don’t know really.

96. Have you had sex in the last week?
Yes.

97. Have you kissed someone in the last 2 weeks
Yes.

98. Who's the last person you hugged?
Niki.

99. What is the last thing that you drank?
Coffee.

100. Who is the last person you think about at night?
I don’t know.

101. Elvis or James Dean?
Elvis.

102. Who is one person you can't stand from high school?
Far too many to mention or be bothered to remember.

103. What grade did you make in Algebra?
Don’t know.

104. If you could have a super power what would it be?
Either flight, invisibility or the ability to self heal.

105. What's the last thing you watched on TV?
Vincent.

106. What are you doing right now?
Answering these questions.

107. Do you think lesbians are hot?
Sometimes, it depends on the lesbians.

108. Have you ever kissed someone of the same sex?
Yes.

109. Have you ever had a threesome?
Yes.

110. Favourite non alcoholic drink?
Coffee.

111. If you could have one wish, what would it be?
To be healthy, happy and comfortably well off.

112. Is that a realistic wish?
Probably not.

113. Do you know who plays at least a small part in every Adam Sandler movie?
No and I don’t really care either, not a huge fan of Adam Sandler.

114. Do you want to go back to school?
Possibly.

115. Who is your arch enemy?
I don’t think I have one.

116. If you could go back to one time in your life and change it what would it be and why?
Far too much to list.

117. This is for guys and girls - Do you or have you ever read Cosmo?
No.

118. Have you ever watched the Britney Spears movie Crossroads?
No.

119. Do you listen to Lindsay Lohan?
No.

120. Favourite colour?
Black, yellow and red.

121. Paul Walker or Ryan Phillippe?
WHO???

122. Britney Spears or Christina Aguilera?
Britney Spears, but only for casual sex.

123. Smurfs or Carebears?
Neither.

124. Favourite ex?
Sam.

125. Do you want platinum or gold for your wedding band?
I had white gold and if I ever had another one would probably go for the same.

126. Have you ever paid to have your eyebrows waxed?
No.

127. Do you shave your back?
No, is that even physically possible?

128. Have you ever broken the law?
Yes.

129. Have you ever flashed someone?
No.

130. Who is your best friend?
Niki, Big Chris, Nick, Chris Kelly, Sandy (but not necessarily in that order).

131. Are you pro-choice or pro-life?
Pro-choice.

132. Did you vote in the last election?
Yes.

133. How many times a day do you brush your teeth?
It depends on what I’m doing.

134. Do you think that the tobacco companies should pay for people's medical bills?
It depends on the illness, but no matter what I don’t think they should pay all of the costs but just help towards them in some way.

135. What scares you?
The idea of dieing alone or going deaf, anything bad happening to Niki, my kids and/or friends.

136. What makes you happy?
Becca, Scott, Lauren, Niki, friends.

137. If you could have one person, other than your partner, in your bed tonight, who would it be?
See the answer to question 68.

Well that's them all so see y'all later.

"Borrowed" from Nanny Ogg who borrowed it from Westwing who borrowed from Subville.

A - Available: No
A - Age: 43
A – Art genre: Surrealist

B - Best feature: Not sure I have one.
B - Bike: Never had one, but I love old British motor bikes.
B - Birthday: 6th June
B - Book: “I Am Legend” by Richard Matheson or “Guardians Of Time” by Poul Anderson.

C - Crush: Niki
C - Car: I don’t drive, but have always fancied getting a stretched Monster Truck.
C - Comedian: Lots (Bill Bailey, Spike Milligan, Bill Hicks, and many more)

D - Day or night: Night
D - Dream Car: Stretched Monster Truck or hearse
D - Dogs or Cats: Dogs, cats have too much attitude

E - Egg nog: Not sure if I’ve ever tried it.
E - E-mail: A necessary form of annoyance that occasionally brings good news
E - Eggs: Made into omelets or boiled and mashed with mayo

F - Favourite colour: Red, Yellow and Black
F - Favourite Band: Far too many to choose from but I’m a long term Black Sabbath fan

G - Gummy Bears or Worms: Neither, not my kind of thing at all

H - Hair colour: Dirty blonde (not that I have a lot now)
H - Height: 5’ 8” - ish
H - Happy: Sometimes

I - Instrument: I can bash out a bit of a tune on Bass and Rhythm Guitar, and am trying to learn Harmonica, but mainly my voice (what there is of it)
I - Idol: I have no idea really, there are lots of people I admire but I would say they were Idols

J - Jewellery: A Gold chain and anchor that belonged to my Mum, a bracelet that was a birthday gift from my kids, a ring that Niki bought me and various earrings that I have acquired over the years
J - Job: Unemployed Genius
J - Jail: Never been, never want to go

K - Kids: 2 as far as I know (sorry - typical male response)

L - Longest car ride: Not sure, but I think it was Edgware to Birmingham
L - Last kiss: Niki this morning
L - Local: Don’t have one as I don’t drink anymore.
L - Lyrics: Far too many to list, lyrics mean a lot to me, I’ll think about it and let you know if I can think of anything specific

M - Milk flavour: Milk
M - Most missed memory: If I could remember then it wouldn’t be a missed memory, would it?
M - Movie last watched: Room With A View on TV

N - Number of Siblings: 1 sister and 3 brothers (although 1 of my brothers is now dead and I have no contact with 1 of the other brothers and my sister, so maybe I should have just said 1 brother)
N - Nickname: Lots (A, Big A, Big Andy, Fig Bellow, The Bear, and many, many more)

O - One wish: To be healthy, happy and comfortably well off
O - One regret: I have more regrets than I can possibly list here, but try very hard not to dwell on them

P - Part of your appearance you love: There ain’t no such animal
P - Pets: The only pets I have ever owned myself were two rats

Q - Quick or Slow?: That depends on what it is and how I feel at the time

R - Reason to smile: Niki, Scott, Becca, and Lauren
R - Reality TV Show: I HATE THEM ALL!!!!

S - Song Last Heard: Can’t remember
S - Silver or Gold: Silver

T - Time you woke up: About 8.30 - ish
T - Time for bed: Who can tell, certainly not me
T - Ticklish: Yes, but only in certain places

U - Unpredictable: Some times
U - Underwear: Sometimes wear boxers but normally go commando

V - Vegetable you hate: Swede, Turnip, Parsnip
V - Vacation spot: Broadstairs

W- Worst habit: Lots, but probably either procrastination or worrying
W- Where are you going to travel: I’d like to go to quite a few places all over the world but probably never will

X - X-Ray: Wrist, ankle, arm, chest

Y - Yellow: Hillman Imp (my brother Pete had a Canary Yellow one that we went to the Kent Custom Bike Show in one year)

Z - Zodiac Sign: Gemini

The Return.

Hi everybody, I’m back and I’d like to thank all those that left such nice comments to my last entry from the old address.

We moved in on the weekend of the 21st and everything went smoothly-ish. The only problem really being that we haven’t got room at the moment for all the stuff Niki has in her studio, but we’re going to be working on that. The house is a bit of a mess at the moment because we’re still in the process of unpacking and sorting out where everything is going, but we have the kitchen sorted so we can cook (a bit) and make coffee, the bedroom is sorted enough for us to sleep and know where our clothes are, and the living room is sorted out enough for us to watch TV and use the computer and sit down comfortably, so it’s not going too bad really.

Unfortunately I went on a bit of a downer after we’d been here for a couple of days and it all basically comes down to fear and links to my feelings of inadequacy and the screw ups I’m made in the past (at least it seems to be mainly all of that), I’m not totally out of it yet but I’m trying not to let it take over. I hate the fact that me being down makes Niki feel bad, I don’t like bringing her down and when I do it makes me feel worse because it feeds into my already problematic feelings of guilt. My ear infection is better but still not gone which is an annoyance. But apart from all that I’m fine.

First Contact.

Now here’s a strange thing, I don’t know why exactly but the first two sites I visited when we were back on line were I Am Bored and Yahoo Answers, now I don’t know if some of the analysts out there in blog-land can read anything into that but I’m a bit puzzled by it. Anyway I thought I’d just put in a couple of links to video clips on I Am Bored that I found funny. The first one is a scene from a film that I’ve loved for ages and the second one I found funny even though I know you’re not really supposed to, but what the hey.

Young Frankenstein clip

Sleepy Dog clip

I also thought I’d share with you two of the answers I left on Yahoo Answers that surprised me by their depth, feeling and meaning even though I’d written them.

In answer to the question: “Are you an optimist or a pessimist?” I wrote this:-

This is a bit complicated but sometimes I'm optimistically pessimistic (which means I look forward to everything going wrong), sometimes I'm pessimistically pessimistic (which means I don't look forward to everything going wrong but I know it will anyway), sometimes I'm pessimistically optimistic (which means that I don't look forward to everything going right but I know that it will just to annoy me), and sometimes I'm optimistically optimistic (which means I'm a complete pain and don't stop grinning at everyone).

In answer to the question: “What is the meaning of life? Why are we here?” I wrote this:-

'Life' as a thing separate from the person living it has no real meaning, it is the living of life that gives it meaning. It's not the thing that means anything it's what you do with it that defines it's meaning to you, and that meaning can be (and I believe should be) completely different for every single person alive.

Writing.

Niki and I signed up for a novel writing thing yesterday which is a bit weird and a little scary for me. You have one month (from the 1st to the 30th of November) to write a novel from scratch. It’s going to be fun (I think) and probably hard work (I’m sure) but it’s something different. If you want to know more then check out the web site for yourselves, here’s the LINK.

Other Stuff.

We went to see both of the bands Jay’s in (A13 and Black Tooth) at The Cherry Tree pub in Dagenham last Friday, it was nice to go out and see live bands (although I must say I think A13 are 100 times better that Black Tooth) but the only real problems I had was firstly the fact that it was very smokey and I’m just not used to that, and secondly the fact that my ear infection meant that certain notes that the bands played made it sound and feel to me like I had a small hand grenade going off inside my left ear, which was fun. The only other problem was coming home in the early hours of the morning through the centre of Romford, still I did catch up with a couple of people that I haven’t seen for years which was nice.

I’m of to see Lordi with Scott tomorrow night, I’m not sure exactly what that will be like but I’m game.

Anyway, I think that’s about all I can think of to write at the moment so I’m off, see y’all.