Into the Void

Well, here I am again. I'm not a very good friend really, not only in the blog world but in the real world as well. I don't contact my friends when I say I will (I always have the best intentions to do so but never quite manage it), I don't keep up with their blogs, I don't phone them, and to be honest I think about them anywhere near as often or as much as I should do. So I would like to say sorry to all my friends both here, on Facebook and in the real world. I would promise to try to do better in the future but we all know that would be pointless and wouldn't happen so there really isn't any point doing it, all I can say is that I will try not to loose touch completely with you all.

We've been suffering from colds and stuff as a house-hold but are all getting better gradualy.

There was so much I wanted to put into this post but now it comes to it I feel kind of lost with it all.

Stuff it, see ya!

Well that's another guitarist down, and I am as well. A good bloke struck down and left with bugger all really. I feel really flat, and I was so high for a week. Pete is ill at the moment as well which doesn't help (although I think it's just a 24 hour bug of some kind), I feel useless when he's ill because there's nothing I can really do to help him. Nic is ok, but tired mainly due to having been up all last night with Pete.

I suppose it's just a matter of sitting back and waiting to see what happens with everything band wise.

Focus; focus; loosing that and just fading in and out of mind. Whenever I really think I know I know that I don't, and yet maybe I do but I just don't know that I do.

Anyway, see ya!

Well, today has been an odd day of ups and downs. The guitarist with our band has sustained an injury to his hands so we had to cancel our rehearsal today (not sure what will happen about future rehearsals we'll just have to wait and see). On an up note I got my Maths GCSE result today and I got a C, which was the highest mark I could get on the level paper that I did, so that's good.

I'm still feeling a bit flat to say the least, although I do start a different form of counselling next week which I am hoping will focus more on the deeper seated problems from my youth. I have no idea whether this will be a good thing or not as it is possible that it will change a lot of things in me and in my life (although it's also possible that it wont), I'll just have to wait and see.

I know that people might not want to hurt my feelings or something but I really wish that when I ask for feedback on something someone at least would give me some. My music on MySpace and my Podcast sit uncommented on despite my opening both them and myself up to peoples reviews, still there you go.

That's all from me right now.
See ya!

Well, having had no interest shown in the idea of doing a Podcast for up and coming bands I decided to try comedy instead, don't know if anyone else will find any of it funny but I'd love it if someone would have a listen and let me know what they think. Here's a link for you:-

Fat Man Laughing.

There is also a blog to go with the show (although I haven't completed that yet) on Blogger with the same name.

Other than that I have been doing the useual stuff and feeling a bit manic of late. The band I'm on are doing a gig next Friday, I'm not sure if we're ready yet but it's a bit late now. Anyway if anyone wants to come along it's at St Pauls church in East Ham (I'll give you the full details if anyone wants them).

That's about all for now.
See ya

Don't suppose anyone has a couple of hundred quid they don't need?

AAAARRRRRGGGGGGGGHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So I just wanted to make a quick comment on a couple of TV shows.

Kröd Mändoon and the Flaming Sword of Fire. Am I the only one that thought this was a real disappointment, I wanted it to be good and watched the first three episodes in the hope it would be, but it just wasn't.

Psychoville. I know that I sometimes have an odd sense of humour but I can't help it, I think this programme is fantastic. As someone who didn't get into The League of Gentlemen until almost the end of the second series, and who could only ever seem to watch it on odd occassions, I think the black humour in this show is just as good if not better and I can't wait to watch the next episode.

There, that's me done for now.
See ya

Hello everybody, I will put up a proper post soon but until then I have a favour to ask.

I'm starting up a new podcast which will be based around up and coming bands. If anyone knows of a band that are either out there playing or soon will be and that want some free publicity, if they contact me I will arrange to interview them for my Podcast, advertise any gigs they have coming up and play a couple of their songs as well.

Thanks.

Well, let me start by thanking people for their birthday wishes, sorry I haven't replied individually but things have been a bit odd round here, and in here (he says pointlessly pointing at his own head, which none of you will be able to see).

We are now the proud keepers of two cats (I say keepers and not owners because whilst you can own a dog, you can never own a cat). We have a black boy cat called Pip and a tabby girl cat called Nor. Don't ask about the names, Pete decided on them. They are just little kittens at the moment but I am assured that they grow quickly, so they should be big cats before we know it. Pictures to follow.

I had my second Maths GCSE exam, which I thought was easier than the first one, not that that really means much because I've had job interviews before that I thought I did brilliantly at and didn't even get shortlisted, so what do I know. Just have to wait until the end of August now for the results.

I've been a bit down of late and things in my head haven't been too fantastic. So I am going back into counselling to see if I can deal with some of the crap from my childhood that still gives me problems, also to deal with some stuff that happened during my drinking days that I didn't deal with at the time. Had an assessment on Tuesday and now have to wait to find out when I can start. We shall see what happens.

Sometimes I know I worry too much and at others I think maybe I don't worry enough about the things I should, but at the moment I seem to be worrying a lot of the time about a lot of things, some more important than others but all with the same intensity on my part. I think, no I know, that I need to talk some of the things through but find it difficult sometimes to know how. O Lord what am I waffling about? Anyway there it is!

That's all from me for now, see ya later

Well now, today was the day that I had the first of my two exams for my Maths GCSE course. I'm glad it's over, not looking forward to the second one on June 1st, not sure how well I did (I know that I guessed the answer to at least 4 questions) I'll just have to wait and see.

I have recently come to realise that my attraction to big women and women with big breasts is actually an addiction, in the same sense as my alcoholism is. One of the things that marks out an addiction of this type is the continual repetition of an action hoping for a different outcome despite the fact that it will not happen. With alcoholism this means drinking, and getting drunk, in the hope that it will solve all of your problems, which it clearly never will. I have the same thing going on when it comes to big women and women with big breasts, I continually watch them (either in person in the street, although not in a stalking way, or on television) hoping that one day they will bear their breasts to me, thus turning me on, despite the fact that (with the obvious exception of pornography and/or anyone connected with it) I know it is never going to happen, but still I watch and I hope, and all this whilst having a wonderful big woman at home that I love and that loves me, and that I would never cheat on, I must be mad.

Why is it that when I get a medium cappachino from Starbucks I get three quarters of a cup of coffee and one quarter of a cup of foam, but when I get a large cappachino I get half a cup of coffee and half a cup of foam? I'm sure I'm getting less by ordering more!

I want to thank everyone for the comments left on my last entry, not feeling bad about it really but felt confused about how flat it left me for a while. Still, maybe I'll try again next year

Well, things are slowly getting back to whatever normality is around here and we are all doing ok.

That's all from me for now, see ya!

Well, here I sit. I fell at the second hurdle, unfortunately, and so won't even make it to the TV auditions stage. Maybe next year, if I can bothered, or maybe I'll try Britain's Full Of Weirdo's or whatever.

Not that I'm bitter, I think that anyone that looks like me and is over 45 and goes into something like The X Factor thinking they could win it and become a global recording artist is more than a little deluded. The strange thing is that I didn't really expect to feel as sad about not getting through as I do, it hasn't made me feel down, just normally sad.

All I can think is that they obviously had their quota of fat, middle-aged, alcoholics with a heart condition for this series and so that's why they said no

So now back to what passes for normality, back to family and trying to get prepared for my first Maths GCSE on Monday.

Anyway, that's all from me for now (Nick I will e-mail you over the weekend in reply to your message) see y'all